Perception
by Confushi Sushi
Summary: When SG-1 is captured and interrogated offworld, things get complicated. Part 2 of the "Crossover Series"
1. Chapter 1

Title: Perception

Summary: When SG-1 is captured and interrogated offworld, things get complicated. Part 2 of the "Crossover Series"

Disclaimer: Don't own them *single tear*

AN: I guess I'll start off by saying I know I've been away for a while. Unfortunately with RL events I have been lacking the vision and energy to write anything. I'm not sure how long it will be between chapters, I have this silly job they want me to go to on a regular basis. As always, thank you for reading and telling me what you think :)

The plot is an idea that I've been tossing around for years, in slightly varying forms, and only recently was able to turn it into something useable. I had done an outline for it months ago, which has been lost, so I had to redo things in my head. There is a lot of planning to be done so that this story unfolds the way I want it to, so I'm only hoping I can execute it well enough to pull things off. And while it is a "crossover" it is pretty much entirely in the Stargate universe, but as a continuation of the series I decided to label it as such. Follows the story "Feint".

Now without further ado...

The Stargate on P36-881 was a fantastic piece of art. The device was the centerpiece of an elaborate stone mosaic. Blue stones of only the most perfect color ringed the gate, cobbled together in a way that suggested intricate planning and haphazardness at the same time. The tops of the stones were rolling and uneven, but when viewed as a whole looked like the rippling waves atop a body of water. A lighter tone crested these waves, mimicking perfectly the foamy caps. These waves went out twenty meters before reaching the sandy desert shore that made up the deserted valley.

Only a walkway of smooth, dark stones - finely polished like the blue stones save for the wear of time - disturbed the artificial oasis. As though carved from those very stones, the DHD rose up through the middle of the pathway about halfway out. The naked stone statues of men and women supplicating around the pool capped off the beautiful monument.

If one were watching, the explosion of the Stargate's event horizon threatened to gush into the pool and further disturb the already choppy surface.

Though they had viewed the images through the MALP, standing upon the monument and viewing it without digital filters made SG-1 take pause. Sam could almost feel the black stones rocking beneath her, as though she was standing upon a floating dock. Through the corner of her eye she swore that Daniel looked slightly pale.

Boots clicking against the stones pulled Sam from her reverie. Jack turned about, holding up one hand as a visor even though he wore his sunglasses. He gave a whistle of appreciation. "Quite the collage they have here."

"The large size and precision of detail are indeed most impressive," Teal'c said.

Returning to silence, they walked to the end of the pathway. A large tablet that was as tall as Teal'c stood at the end. Two of the supplicating statues were behind it, holding the slab upright. Like the rest of the monument, the stone was polished and each symbol intricately carved. It was written in Goa'uld, and though they had already heard the translation, Daniel couldn't help but reading it aloud.

_Wayward, we cry out for guidance_

_Our tears pool in amounts too great for the thirsty earth_

_Desperation threatens to drown us_

_Tell us why we have been forsaken_

_Tell us how we may return to Your favor_

_Hear our pleas, Balaqua_

_Let Your children fumble in the dark no longer_

The gentle breeze seemed to carry the plaintiff cries of the statues. A lump formed in Sam's chest at the fervent sorrow displayed by the pool of tears. Knowledge that the people were praying for the return of the Goa'uld who subjugated them tempered her emotions. Balaqua was a minor Goa'uld, slain by Apophis over a thousand years ago, her meager empire absorbed into his own. This planet - small, out of the way, and strategically lacking - was ignored by the new ruler. But as far as these people were concerned, their leader and all of her jaffa simply left one day, never to be seen again.

With the monument blatantly uncared for and unvisited in recent times, it was clear the people had given up on the return of their God.

In fact the nearest settlement, a city of moderate proportions, was miles away as the UAV had shown. The architecture was fairly advanced, nearly rivaling the technology of Earth. No contact could be established via radio, so it was up to SG-1 to attempt face-to-face contact.

Unlike the sandy valley suggested, the area was not an empty wasteland. Shrubs and small vegetation sprouted up near the tops of the rolling sides, slowly encroaching further in. The large depression was probably the location of some ancient body of water that had long since disappeared. As they got further out the plant life became more lush. Tall, hearty trees reached for the nearly cloudless sky, and the sounds of small animals and insects filled the air.

"I still find it odd that these people created the monument with such skill, yet the buildings we saw appear so plain and utilitarian," Daniel said, quickly ending the silence that once again descended upon them.

Though it was already addressed in the briefing, even if they could only speculate, Sam humored him. Besides, the question nagged at her as well. "You can hardly expect them to place such dedication and skill into every building they make. Between finding the materials and shaping them, it would have taken years and lots of manpower."

"Much can change over time," Teal'c said, offering another explanation. He surveyed the terrain ever vigilantly.

"Wonder if their devotion to Balaqua was one of those things," Daniel said.

That was the big question floating in the air. Until they figured out the mindset of the people, there was no way to tell if they could become potential allies or trading partners. They would have to be sure to tread lightly through introductions.

Sam wiped her brow as they walked, clutching her P-90 loosely as they walked. The canopy of the forest was sparse, much of the sunlight pierced to the ground below. Several hours had passed since their arrival and the planet's sun was now almost directly overhead. A mild breeze kept the atmosphere from being too oppressive. They were over halfway to the city when they finally found a dirt path, the closest sign of human traffic to the Stargate.

Not long after that, Teal'c raised a fist signaling them to stop. Sam gripped her weapon more securely, scouring their surroundings for whatever had alarmed Teal'c. The others did the same.

"T?" Jack said.

"We are being observed."

Whether the observer heard Teal'c's statement, or his courage finally waved, Sam's head turned to the sound of rustling foliage as someone took off through the woods.

"Wait, we're not going to hurt you!" Daniel shouted. The man continued on, nothing more than a fading streak. "Shouldn't we go after him?"

"Nothing like a group of armed strangers racing on your heels to instill a feeling of trust," Jack said.

"Good point."

Teal'c began walking once again. "They will no doubt be preparing for our arrival now."

Jack was the next to follow. "Hopefully the welcoming committee is friendlier."

They were on edge now, preparing for whatever situation they were walking into. Sam's eyes darted through the slowly thinning underbrush. She could see the buildings in the distance starting to reveal, and the din of life began to seep through. Nothing more than the low tone of hundreds of sounds mixing to the point that none could be identified.

When the woods finally broke, Sam could see the outskirts of the city more clearly. Smaller buildings dotted the edges with the hard packed dirt roads weaving in and out. People going about their business walked the streets, though this area was largely deserted. No vehicles drove these roads, but the sounds of engines further in were becoming more pronounced.

The sound of a few distinct vehicles grew, appearing from within the city. Jack raised his binoculars, and Sam followed suit. Three vehicles, open-topped with similar dimensions as a jeep, drove down the roads. Each person was visibly armed save the drivers, but all wore matching gray uniforms. Like the cars the guns appeared similarly low in technology, but could surely get the job done.

"This could be better already. Keep sharp," Jack said.

"Don't look aggressive," Daniel warned.

Jack sighed. "I'd rather look alive. This ain't our first rodeo, Daniel."

In unison the team's weapons came up in a defensive posture. The vehicles pulled off into flanking positions as they approached. Each stopped about 20 meters away. With weapons trained, the apparent leader stood up from the passenger seat of the center "jeep" stood up.

"Identify yourselves," he said.

Daniel came forward, taking his role as the team's spokesman. "We are peaceful explorers."

"Armed, peaceful explorers," the leader said, cutting him off.

"Only as a precaution. We have no wish for conflict with you. In fact, we wish to talk and establish relations with your people."

The man was silent only for a moment. "Your clothes and weapons are unlike anything here. Where do you come from?"

"We came here through the Stargate," Jack said. His rigid posture signaled his discomfort. Sam felt the same. No one's weapons had been lowered, and there was no sign yet that there would be an understanding. It wasn't looking like this contact would be one of their smoother ones.

"Stargate?" the leader echoed in confusion.

"Chappa'ai," Daniel said.

He still did not understand.

"But they clearly understand Goa'uld, it was written on that tablet," Daniel mused under his breath.

Sam wasn't sure what to make of it either, so she tried a different approach. "We came through that large ring device in the middle of the monument in the valley."

Of all the reactions she would have expected, anger wasn't exactly at the top of her list.

"What is the meaning of this?" he demanded.

"We are only here to talk, maybe trade," Jack interjected.

"No. These are lies! The Matellan is nothing more than the fanciful creation of our deluded ancestors."

"It is a transportation device," Sam began, "able to send you vast distances."

"Silence!" in his rage, the leader leapt out of the vehicle, his face growing more red as he spoke. "Your intentions are clear. You are no more interplanetary travelers than I am. It is your goal to turn the Believers, prey on the myths to which they cling. You would start a civil war among our people!"

"No, that's not it at all!" Daniel said. "Everything we told you is true. We have no desire to cause conflict."

Jack stepped in. "Look, it's clear you don't want us here. We'll go back to this... Magellan, and you'll never have to hear from us again."

"Such subversion will not be tolerated! Lower your weapons and surrender now," the man said. The soldiers held their guns with added vigor, waiting for one word or movement to open fire.

Sam stared down the sight of her gun, finger pressing against the trigger just shy of the pressure needed to fire it. Jack, Teal'c, and Daniel were similarly poised. It was going to be very messy for both sides if they began a firefight.

"We don't want to hurt you," O'Neill said, trying one last time to reason.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said in a subdued voice. Sam followed the flick of his head back towards the city, seeing several more vehicles heading in their direction. These were much larger, and covered with a thick canvas material. Troop transports, she had no doubt.

"We are not troubled by similar qualms. Surrender now, or we _will_ hurt you!"

Sam didn't need to crunch the numbers in her head. Even if they managed to eliminate the soldiers in front of them and start running now, the transports would be on them before they could get deep enough into the woods to force them out on foot. One word was uttered in warning. "Sir..."

The slump in Jack's shoulders showed that he had reached the same conclusion.

"My patience is waning," the leader warned.

"All right, all right, take it easy," Jack said. Reluctantly he unsnapped his P-90 from its strap and laid it on the ground. Sam followed suit, feeling the uneasiness flow through her body. With a deep breath she cleared her senses.

This wasn't going to be good.

Guns remained trained on them as several soldiers began frisking them. Keeping her hands up, Sam remained as still as possible as one of the men unhooked her pack, removed her GDO, and then took her flak vest and jacket. Then he frisked her very thoroughly, Sam hid her revulsion. Each were similarly disarmed.

When the larger vehicles arrived they were ushered inside the rear compartments, several guards escorting them. They sat on the bench-like seats that lined both sides of the transports, the guards flanking them on the other side. It was a quiet trip save the noise of the engines.


	2. Chapter 2

The tires of the vehicles were thick metal drums, studded for traction. As such, each bump jostled the occupants. Coupled with the lack of padding on the bench-like protrusion that served as a seat, Sam felt her butt quickly going numb. Their captors said nothing during the ride, and even Jack was silent during the trip. Unable to see outside the vehicle, they had no idea where they were being taken within the city.

When the vehicle stopped and they were ushered out they were already inside of a building. The drab walls within were reminiscent of the SGC, but with more spacious measurements. Footsteps echoed as they were taken further in. Sam tried to commit to memory every turn and staircase to their destination. A destination that happened to be a 10'x10' cell in the center of a larger room. SG-1 was locked inside, and four guards remained with them inside the room.

"Well this is a fine pile of it we've stepped in," Jack said under his breath. They huddled up so they wouldn't be overheard.

"It certainly isn't what we anticipated," Daniel said.

"Oh, I don't know," Jack began as he made a show of appraising his surroundings, "I think I'm starting to get used to this by now."

"That's not what I meant..."

Sam could see them getting off track. "I think the real question is what are we going to do now."

"An opportunity will not likely arrive while we are being so closely guarded," Teal'c said.

Even if they could find a weakness in their prison, it would be virtually impossible to do anything with the guards constantly watching their every move. At least for the time being they'd have to watch and bide their time.

They weren't left to wait long until the man from before entered the room. His expression was much calmer, but there was still nothing positive in his appearance. He paced in front of the cell a few steps, eyeing his captives, before he stopped and spoke.

"I am Talquin, commander of this sector," the man said, finally introduced himself. "The Believers are becoming much more imaginative. This is unsettling."

It was obvious the Believers were those who believed in the gods, the Goa'uld.

Daniel took a step forward. "We've already told you that we have nothing to do with these 'Believers'."

A cold stare and a curt motion of his hand made Daniel promptly shut his mouth. Sam's fists automatically clenched.

"Holding to your story even when you are thwarted, I suppose such devotion is honorable. However, I do not have the patience for this game. You will name all those who are part of this ruse."

"This isn't a ruse," Sam said. They had to get through to him somehow. There was no way to give names when there were none to be given.

"So you refuse to comply?" Talquin asked.

Teal'c spoke up this time. "We cannot comply for we are telling the truth."

Talquin shook his head. "I see."

"We don't want to interfere with whatever issues you got here. The offer still stands, if you let us go we'll leave and you can go on doing whatever it is that you do." Jack tried again.

Talquin's expression did not change, clearly as unimpressed with the offer as he had been the first time.

"Do not take me for a fool. If you insist upon denying the chance I offer you, then clearly other methods must be employed."

Wherever you went, "other methods" always described the same type of thing. Torture, of some form or another. They all held their ground, Jack positioning himself in front of the others.

"You don't need to do this," Jack said. His tone belied his powerlessness in the situation. Sam could tell that he was preparing to place himself in the brunt of trouble, to try and cast as much focus on him as torture became more and more certain.

Daniel was as desperate as she was to nip this whole situation in the bud. "Just give us a chance, won't you? Take us to the... Matellan, and let us show you how it works. THAT it works."

"Be silent!" Talquin demanded. "I have had enough of this!"

And it became perfectly clear that he wasn't letting them anywhere near the Stargate. Because even if they did honor their word and leave, it would still give the "Believers" the proof they needed for their claims. Talquin couldn't chance them being exactly who they claimed to be.

There would be no easy way out of this one.

"Take her." Talquin idly gestured to Sam. Instinctively, she took a step back.

Before the guards could move to comply Jack was against the bars. "No. I'm the leader. Take me."

"Fear not. Your turn will come soon enough."

Weapons trained on them as one guard came forward to unlock the door. Even with the guns Sam could see that Jack was just barely restraining himself. They all looked an instant away from coming to her aid, as useless as the gesture would be. It was no less than she would expect, or do herself.

When the guard gestured for her to step out, Sam tried to give her team the most confident look she could manage.

They walked her down even more hallways. Eventually they came to a room. Inside were several devices, some analogous enough to their Earth counterparts for her to recognize as monitoring equipment. Others were less obvious. In the center of the array was a gurney. Sam's focus caught on the heavy restraints hanging off the side.

"Something the scientists have been working on," Talquin said, enjoying her obvious discomfort.

Sam sucked in a breath to steady herself. "You won't get anything from this."

"Humor me. You needn't worry. I am assured the process is quite painless."

She wasn't comforted by his words. Whatever the specific purpose of all these devices were, she was sure it would be a less than pleasant experience. At the very least they were designed to elicit information, and she didn't have what they were interested in.

Two of the guards grabbed Sam by the shoulders before she could react. Her immediate reaction was to try to shrug them off, but their grip was secure. As she stilled she heard footsteps approaching down the hall and soon another man entered the room. He wasn't dressed in the same type of uniform as Talquin or the guards, and in his hand was a syringe.

"Don't do this," Sam said softly. She shrank back as he injected her shoulder through her shirt. The sedative worked fast, coating her brain in a thick fog and cutting it off from the rest of her body. Unable to carry her own weight, she slumped in the grip of the guards. Her vision blurred severely and sounds became so distant as to almost be unintelligible.

"Hurry up and get her prepared for the process."

The words echoed in her head as she finally succumbed completely.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I'm really sorry for the long delay in posting. I thought I was in a creatively fertile place... and then suddenly I wasn't. Right now I'm finding it really hard to keep on track with one idea and follow through. But I want to complete this. And yes, this is a short chapter, but it seemed unnatural to break it up later. At least I can assure you I've already started on the next one. I will try to post again asap, but that depends entirely on my muse and work obligations (busy week coming up, eep!).

As always, thanks to all who reviewed :)

A cacophony of noises assaulted her. She felt like she was falling, unable to comprehend that she was feeling the weight of her own body. Sam couldn't quite remember why, but she knew that she had to move. To escape.

"Come on, wake up, Major."

Hands accompanied the voice, tapping her face, removing restraints. It took tremendous effort and concentration just to open her eyes. And for her effort she only got indistinct blurs. Her head throbbed painfully in time to the beating of her heart.

"That a girl," Jack said.

She had many questions, but working her mouth was proving more difficult than her eyelids had been. Despite her efforts, at first she only managed to groan. They were helping her to sit. The shift in altitude caused the blurs to swirl.

"Woah," Sam warned. She gripped arms for dear life as her body felt tossed about in a violent storm. Her eyes closed but that only intensified the sensation. Sam did nothing for several moments as the sensation subsided to a more manageable level.

"Sorry, but we kind of have to go now. Can you walk?"

The reply was automatic. "Yes, sir."

When her feet touched the ground, she simply kept going down. If not for the support of Jack and Teal'c, she would have completed her undignified sprawl on the hard floor. Even when she did manage to get her feet underneath her, Sam knew that she wouldn't be able to maintain the pose without their help.

"Sorry," she offered for her weakness.

"Easy, Carter."

She was too focused on trying to get her legs and body to cooperate to pay attention to the passing scenery. Sam had no idea where they were going, knowing only that it must be the way out. Flashes came to her of the moments before passing out. She wondered what they were going to do to her, but was more than relieved not to be finding out.

They passed through a door to the outside, met by the semi-darkness of night in a city. By then Sam was mostly walking for herself, Teal'c keeping an arm around her waist to help with balance.

"How are we going to make it to the 'gate?" she asked. "They know exactly where we'd be going."

Jack waved a disapproving hand. "You forget, Major, they didn't believe us."

Yeah, she had forgotten that, for a few moments at least. The sedative they had given her was clearly a strong one. She could still feel the spiderwebs tangling in her mind. Instead of dwelling on it, she just kept moving.

Patrols were starting to flood into the streets as they were reaching the outskirts of the city. So far they seemed to be staying ahead. The throbbing in her head renewed with the exertion. Nausea crept up her stomach.

Without warning Sam's legs folded beneath her. Teal'c slowed her descent to her knees. Leaning against a tree, rough bark pressed against the side of her face, Sam couldn't actually remember them making it into the treeline. The thought was fleeting as the nausea had her panting, sucking in shaky breaths trying to keep the contents of her stomach down.

"Carter?" Jack's voice rang with concern.

"Feel sick." Sam barely got out the words before the vomit followed. Violent heaves cramped her chest. A sudden wave of lightheadedness had her once again falling into unconsciousness. But the grips weren't complete. Everything was fragmented, with a hazy quality.

It took her some time to realize she was being carried. More time to recognize the shadows passing above as tree limbs. She watched them pass, mesmerized, until they steadily disappeared. Her addled brain couldn't readily grasp why.

Sam realized that someone was talking. To her. She furrowed her brow, trying to focus.

"Still with us, Carter?" Jack said.

"They drugged me," Sam said, unaware she was stating the obvious. It seemed like a perfectly valid point to voice. She watched Jack shake his head, fighting back a smirk. Why the hell was he laughing at her?

"Score one for the astrophysicist."

Score? Sam didn't even know they were playing a game. The distress was clearly showing on her face. In response his tone turned conciliatory.

"Relax, Major. We'll be home soon."

That calmed her. She trusted him implicitly. And at that moment, all she really wanted was to get back home.

To get back to safety.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: This chapter rolled out very quickly, so I figured it was only fair to all of you I kept waiting to go ahead and post it today. As a rule I'll probably only be able to post a new chapter every couple days, so don't get too used to it. Enjoy.

_"Hurry up and get her prepared for the process."_

The flash of memory welcomed Sam to consciousness. Sam kept her eyes closed, taking stock of her surroundings with her other senses. The sounds of machines making various sounds representing reactions from her body. Rough sheets. The ubiquitous smell of anti-septics.

She bit her lip to keep silent, body tensing. The escape hadn't been real! A hopeful dream or a fevered delusion, it didn't matter which. Her head still pounded, though more muted, and her stomach remained unsettled. Whatever her head had made up, that much seemed to be true.

Footsteps approached... hurried. Sam tried to lay still, but belatedly realized it was the monitors drawing attention to her in the first place. Hearing the heart monitor in time to the frantic beating in her chest. But she still kept her eyes closed and remained still. Maybe they would think it was some reaction, that she was still unconscious. Though she knew she was restrained, she hoped something would pop up in the precious moments before the person was at her side.

Nothing came to her.

Fingers flitted to her neck. Sam reacted instinctively, eyes snapping open. Her arms shot up to deflect the unwanted hands, without resistance, shoving the person away. The action was greeted by a startled feminine scream. Sam froze, panting.

She _had_ been restrained. She remembered them quite clearly.

But as her eyes adjusted to the fluorescent lights she realized that she was not in that room anymore. She was back on Earth, staring into the eyes of a nurse who was now as startled as she was.

"Sorry! I didn't mean... I thought..." Sam's voice shook with the remnants of adrenaline. Embarrassment overtook her, coloring her face, so she stopped her explanation. "I'm sorry."

The nurse gave an awkward smile, accepting her apology.

"I thought Colonel O'Neill was the one who simply couldn't stand to be here. At least he stops short of assaulting my staff," Janet said in an amusement as she approached from her office.

Sam's face tinged even darker. "I... thought I was somewhere else."

"The others did describe the room you were in when they found you." Janet's voice was now nothing but serious and sympathetic, her attempt at levity now over. "How do you feel?"

"Hungover. What did they give me?"

Janet shook her head. "Can't say for sure. The lab is still going over your blood samples. It's safe to say that a strong sedative was part of it, but there's really no way to say at this point if that was all there was to it."

Sam only realized then that the three faces she would expect to see during any infirmary stay were not present. Because if they were Jack would be giving her no end of grief for her little outburst.

"Where are the others?"

Janet's eyes rolled. "I had to kick them out so I could hear myself think. Only so many consecutive hours of the Colonel one can take."

"Hours? How long has it been?"

"They brought you through the 'gate about ten hours ago now. Honestly, I thought you'd be out a lot longer, protein markers notwithstanding."

And so, that was that. They had been taken prisoner offworld, again, and she had virtually slept through the whole ordeal. Sam didn't like being dead weight.

"Well, speak of the devil," Janet said with mock wryness. Sam's eyes went to the door where Janet was looking, seeing Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c standing there.

"Good to see you, too," Jack shot back with a smile.

"Hey, Sam, glad to see you up," Daniel said.

"Your previous state was most concerning," Teal'c added.

Sam smiled. "Thanks. I do feel a lot better."

"So we can bust her out now?" Jack hinted.

"Certainly not!" Janet interjected. "She's only just woken up. And since we don't know exactly what we're dealing with, Sam needs to be monitored until I'm convinced the drugs have run their course."

"Sorry, Carter. I tried."

"Thank you, sir."

"All right, I have paperwork to finish up. You have thirty minutes. Sam needs rest," Janet said as she turned to go back to her office.

"Aww, come on, doc!" Jack whined.

"Take the thirty and be happy," Janet called behind her, not turning around or stopping. "I can always kick you out now. And you should know by now, Colonel, that I can always find a needle around here with your name on it."

The door shut before Jack deigned to speak. "Napoleonic power monger."

"Her methods are most effective," Teal'c said. Sam realized he was both praising Janet's medical skills and her ability to exert some control over the otherwise uncontrollable Colonel O'Neill.

Power monger, maybe. But a successful one.

Silence suddenly descends. Awkwardness, as though no one is really sure what they want to say. Sam herself has several questions. What had happened? What would have happened? The latter she'd never know for sure, none of them could peer into the minds of their captors, now lightyears away, and garner that answer. So she settled on an easier question, one that also pressed on her mind.

"How long was it? Before you found me," Sam asked. How long had the "preparations" been underway? But she doesn't phrase it that way. After all, she'd like to pretend the whole thing hasn't bothered her as much as it has.

"Not that long. An hour maybe. Less than two." His tone is light, but Sam still wonders if he saw right through her. Because that is just what she needed to hear, and how she wanted to hear it. As though they were talking about something of no greater importance than where they'd all be going out to drink that night.

Daniel shrugged. "Still one of the better ones."

Compared to several of the other times they had been captured by one enemy or another, it certainly was one of the better ones.

"So, how'd you guys get out, anyway?" Sam wondered. Now it was simply curiosity that drove her on.

Jack puffed up. "Oh, you know, that old O'Neill charm."

Charm was a kind description. The stares everyone gave made him wither.

"We were left unguarded. Daniel Jackson disengaged the lock on our cell," Teal'c corrected.

"I found you!" Jack said.

Daniel shook his head. "You used 'eenie, meenie, miney, mo' to pick which way to go."

"Which makes it all the more impressive."

"We went down three dead ends first."

Jack's voice trailed off. "Admittedly less impressive."

They continued the playful ribbing until Janet tapped an invisible watch on her wrist. They quickly excused themselves.

"Sleep tight, Major."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: So, yeah. Not much time to write next week, either, busy busy at work. Another pair of chapters, because this is another short one and I thought wholly unsatisfying when taken on its own. Also, things are starting to pick up, so hopefully it will come a bit faster to me. Because unfortunately my muse likes to focus on the more exciting bits, so I'm thinking about later in the story... or the next one, or the one after that. Makes it a bit challenging to actually GET there.**

"What do we know about these people?" Hammond asked. Sam sat at the briefing table, only glad that she was finally out of the infirmary. Janet still wasn't ready to let her leave the base entirely, but she'd take whatever she could get. For now.

They had waited until then to hold the formal briefing.

"Practically nothing," Daniel said.

"We didn't learn much until it all went pear-shaped," Jack added. "Actually, we didn't learn anything UNTIL it went pear-shaped. Still... practically nothing."

"Talquin spoke of 'Believers'. It would appear that some of the people still believe in the Goa'uld while the others hold them only as myth." Teal'c received an approving nod from the general. Unlike Jack or Daniel, he had actually answered the question.

Daniel continued the thought. "They believed that we were part of the 'Believers'. That we were just pretending to be from another planet to start an uprising."

"What can you add, major?" Hammond said.

"Not much, sir," Sam replied with a shake of her head. "Talquin took me to a medical area. I saw some monitoring equipment, but couldn't figure out what everything was for. Another man came in and injected me. Then the others were waking me up."

The ensuing events she could only recall in minor detail. The others went on to describe how they took her out of the facility through the darkened alleys, breaking for the safety of the treeline. And from there made for the valley with the stargate.

Sam thought she remembered puking then, but it was all too disjointed to be sure of anything. No one mentioned it, so it must not have happened. It wasn't the sort of detail that they would gloss over. And yet it was the only thing she remembered with any real clarity.

"What's your assessment?" Hammond asked. Sam's head snapped up as she realized they had continued the conversation without her.

"Going back will only bring us more trouble," Jack said.

"Their response to us shows they must be using similar tactics against their own people," Daniel argued.

"No, it doesn't," Jack countered heavily. He, and everyone else in the room, knew that the two were about to go at it. This was just the area where their beliefs tended to diverge the most.

Petulance. "You can't say that."

"What I can say is, it's not our problem."

"The least we could do is learn more," Daniel insisted.

"To what end?" Jack asked. "A, they oppress their own people and they hate us. Or, B, they all live together in some hippie love fest and, guess what, they STILL hate us."

"Jack..."

"Daniel, we are not some intergalactic A-Team!"

"Jack!" Daniel started again.

Jack quickly butted back in. "First off, I'm not a big fan of cigars. Second, Teal'c LOVES to fly. And, Danny, I hate to say it, but you've never been very good with disguises."

There was silence as everyone simply absorbed the arguments. True, maybe, but entirely irrelevant to the argument at hand.

"Enough," Hammond said. His voice was normal, but his tone was a very clear 'shut up' to all parties. "Doctor Jackson, you are already well aware of our policy on such matters. And there was nothing in any of your descriptions to suggest that there is any tangible benefit to further contact with this planet."

Jack gave a smug look of satisfaction. Daniel was only just biting back further arguments, knowing that the general was in no mood and Jack wasn't going to listen anyway. Sam wiped a hand across her face wearily, a fresh headache beginning to form.

This wasn't just going to go away, she knew.


	6. Chapter 6

They started out avoiding each other. Sam was glad, and only hoped she could get out of the base before they started clashing again. Watching the arguments would be bad enough, both men were too stubborn to change their minds, and too stubborn to simply let it go. Not for a while at least.

But she wouldn't just be watching. She and Teal'c would be thrust into the middle. Jack and Daniel would try to get them to agree with their views, and use it to give merit to their standpoint. Sam didn't want to be forced to suffer their ire until the whole thing blew over. Because she agreed with Daniel in theory, and Jack in practicality. So in the end she'd just be getting it from both sides.

By the next day Janet had given her clearance, and Sam had never taken off from the base so fast. The edges of desperation in Teal'c's demeanor, being left to the wolves, almost gave her pause.

Almost.

On the drive home, Sam contemplated her three days of freedom. Normally, the idea of having nothing to do made her restless. However, this was one of those times she thought that having no real plan besides getting plenty of sleep sounded like just what the doctor ordered. Notwithstanding that the doctor had actually ordered it.

The sun was dipping into the horizon when she pulled into the driveway. She went inside, thinking that a shower would be a good start. So she dumped off her jacket by the door and made straight for the bedroom to undress. Her shirt was sailing towards the hamper when a voice issued behind her.

"I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be sitting around here all alone for the whole time I'm down."

Sam spun around quickly, taken completely offguard. Unlike Sam's startled expression, Olivia looked slightly amused. Her brow quirked questioningly. They stood there for several moments, Sam far too preoccupied to realize she was half-naked with only her bra to protect her modesty.

When Sam stayed silent and continued to look completely perplexed, Olivia frowned in concern.

"Are you all right?"

"I..." Sam stammered over the word, trying to organize her thoughts. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," Olivia said slowly, getting confused herself.

"But how'd..." Sam let her thought trail off.

"We've been planning this for a couple weeks now. I had time coming and you said you had some downtime starting in the next day or so. And it turned out to be 'or so'."

The last sentence was added with a nervous chuckle. Sam shook her head. They had been talking about getting together again. But, they hadn't made any solid plans. Had they?

Maybe she just needed some more time to get back her mental bearings.

"Sorry," Sam said. "It's just been a crazy couple of days."

"Well, you do look a little out of it," Olivia replied. She cleared her throat and nodded slightly, hinting for Sam to look down.

She did, finally noticing her state of dress. Not that Olivia hadn't seen a whole lot more, as well as the other way around, but she still found it slightly embarrassing and awkward. Sam felt the heat rise in her cheeks, illiciting a smirk from Olivia.

Foregoing the shower, Sam changed and they sat on the sofa. Olivia sat at least, Sam laid her head on Olivia's lap. She looked up at the other woman as she described her current predicament with Jack and Daniel. At least the bits that she could, as well as some of their non-classified arguments in the past.

"I'm just hoping it all blows over in a couple days. Those two really know how to drag things out," Sam said with a sigh.

Olivia was stroking her hair. Sam closed her eyes for a moment. Being able to vent had the tension in her body easing. Olivia answered her, but her voice had a distant quality that made it hard to understand.

Sam opened her eyes to see the room dancing around her.

"What's going on?" Sam thought that she had said the words, for she was certainly thinking them. But they had that same distortion Olivia's did. The voice was unrecognizable.

"Are you ok?" Olivia asked, her voice seeming even more distant. Sam tried to stand, but ended up just gripping the sofa for dear life. Her eyes shut, but she still felt the spinning.

"I think she's waking up," another said. Unlike Olivia, these ones seemed to be coming closer, getting clearer.

"How can this be?"

"Sam?"

"I don't know. We've never seen this before. At these levels she shouldn't be able to break through."

Sam tried to talk, to question these voices, but nothing was coming out.

"She's moving?" Complete disbelief.

"This shouldn't be possible." Panic.

"W... what's..." Sam couldn't finish her sentence. The single word was hoarse and barely intelligible. Her eyes opened but everything was a blur. A big, gray blur.

"Increase the dosages."

"But... these drugs are inherently dangerous, even at normal levels."

"So be it. You have seen the same images as I. Do you really think that they can be allowed to live when we are finished here?"

"I..."

"FIx it. Now."


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Nothing really to say. Just another chapter in the journey.**

Her head throbbed violently, the pain unlike anything she had felt before. She felt hot and cold at the same time. Sweat slicked her palms as she brought her hands up to try and keep her head from cracking into a million pieces. If the gesture helped at all, Sam was beyond noticing. All this eclipsed the roiling nausea, though it was a beast in its own right.

These sensations were the only thing her mind could begin to process at that moment.

The blood pounding in her ears masked any sounds. Not that she was actively listening. Really, she couldn't care less what was happening around her. Not when the simple act of existing hurt so much. Her face was wet with tears she didn't realize she was shedding.

If this wasn't real, then why did it have to hurt so much?

Sam remembered the conversation she had heard before the sensations rolling through her body had thrown her back into unconsciousness. This was their method of interrogation. These delusions, hallucinations, whatever the hell they were, were telling her captors information about Earth and its inhabitants. Then they must know that SG-1 were who they claimed. But that still left the question of what they might plan to do with this information.

_"Do you really think that they can be allowed to live when we are finished here?"_

Whatever it may be, they didn't intend on her and her team to be alive to see it.

She drifted in and out of semi-consciousness. The throbbing in her head slowly receded to a more manageable level. Still miserable, but now able to take some interest in the situation around her. That is, figuring out what the situation was, and what to do about it. Sam was reluctant to open her eyes, not sure what she was hoping to see.

"Major Carter?" Teal'c's hand rested on her shoulder, a response to some movement or sound she must have made. It brought her no comfort, and she stiffened. Because they had fooled her once already. There was no way she'd let it happen again.

His hand left her. "Be calm, Major Carter, you are among friends."

Sam opened her eyes to see their original cell. Teal'c kneeled beside her. Around him, she could see Jack and Daniel beginning to stir. Sam closed her eyes again. Against the light, and against the liklihood that this was just as fake as the last time.

"Carter?" Jack's voice was right next to her now. She didn't have to open her eyes again to know that he and Daniel had scrabbled their way beside her. It's just the reaction she would have expected. She felt her pulse throb in her head as she contemplated her position.

"Come on, say something, major," Jack continued after some silence.

Sam sighed. "Not so loud, sir."

"You all right, Sam?" Daniel chimed in.

Sam finally let her eyes open again. "Been better."

"Sit rep?" Jack asked.

She only pondered it for a moment. If this was real, they needed to know what was going on. If it wasn't... then she'd be doing nothing more than wasting her breath.

"They drugged me. I don't know if it was a hallucination exactly or what. I thought we had escaped, it all played out real enough."

"So what stopped it?"

"I started to wake up. I think."

Jack eyed her dubiously. He pieced it together in his head. "You don't think this is real, either."

"I can't discount the possibility." The likelihood.

"Well, Talquin did look pretty upset when they brought you back," Daniel said.

He had certainly been upset in the conversation she had overheard. Something had gone wrong. Were they giving her a chance to recover some before trying again? All she had were questions and nothing that resembled a good answer for any of them. Sam just hoped she had some idea of what was what when the time came to act.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I'm sorry there has been such a long lull. Among other things, it has just been hard to write the story up to the point that I wanted to get to, the part that I am really interested in. But, I've finally hopped over to where I believe it starts to get interesting. In fact, I wrote the whole second chapter I'm posting today, and part of this one, in just a couple hours tonight. I am hoping this surge continues, and I hope you enjoy.**

Sam was sitting with her eyes closed, somewhere between awake and asleep. Things were quiet, and whatever her body had or hadn't been through, she was exhausted. At the moment there was no opportunity for escape, something she was almost glad for. Because at that point she'd have to make a choice. If this was fake, she needed to stay away from Earth and not give these people any more. But if it was real... she couldn't hinder her team's chance at freedom. Unfortunately, she probably wouldn't get her answers.

She noticed that everything had gone still. Jack wasn't doing his normal fidgiting, and the others were quiet as well. Sam opened her eyes to see them staring out at the one solitary guard. And the guard was staring back. His brow furrowed, as though he were debating with himself.

"You are... not of this world?" the guard asked.

For a moment they all just took turns looking at each other, not sure what to make of it. Daniel was the one who broke the silence.

"No, we're not."

"Truly?"

"That device. The..." Daniel paused to remember the word, "Matellan is a transportation device, able to send you vast distances."

"Then... they were right, weren't they?"

"Who?" Daniel asked, trying to gauge the other man.

The man smiled wryly. "The Believers of course. I must admit that I was ambivalent. But you certainly seem otherworldly."

"Let us go." Jack said.

Now the guard gave an amused laugh. "How far would you get? Certainly not out of this premesis."

"Well I think we all know what happens if we stay here."

"Yes. You are a threat to them, no matter the truth of your existence. But now is not the time for action."

"So, what, are we just supposed to sit here?" Daniel asked.

"For now. I must wait for shift change. Then... we shall see."

Sam frowned as they all went silent again. It was very convenient. But then, it was convenience that got them out of a lot of situations in the past. She had to keep her guard up. At least the others looked as skeptical as she felt.

It wasn't long before the man was relieved by two other guards. They didn't have a chance to discuss what had just happened. But really, what was there to say? She was sure their thoughts ran similar to hers. This could be a setup from them to try and discover the location of these Believers. Of course, if that were the case, the whole exercise was pointless. They couldn't very well lead them to a place they didn't know about. Or the man really was what he claimed, and a potential ally in this situation.

Sleep refused to come again. Sam was simply too on edge to calm down enough. The debate in her head, the simple doubt in everything around her. Something was happening, that much she was sure about. She didn't know what to do. Afraid that whatever choice she made would be the wrong one.

"Carter, you ok?" Jack questioned.

"I'm fine. I just..." She shook her head and sighed. "I'm fine."

He seemed to guess where her head was at, that vocalizing some sort of reassurance simply wasn't going to help. So he just offered a tight smile. Weakly, she smiled back.


	9. Chapter 9

Several hours of nothing passed. The tedium broke suddenly when the man returned, followed by several other guards. Everyone stood up, even Sam who only wavered slightly. The two sets of guards looked at each other, ignoring the prisoners' reactions.

The man spoke. "Talquin wants them all this time."

She waited for one of the guards to respond in disbelief, or a simple outright refusal. But instead the one who was apparently higher in rank merely raised an eyebrow. Then he shrugged dismissively before taking the keys from his belt and unlocking the cell. SG-1 stood where they were, eyeing the scene.

"Hurry up," the man said gruffly. He gestured with his gun. With nothing else to do, they filed out. The four guards following the man flanked them, and they were lead out of the room.

Sam immediately recognized that this was not the same direction they had taken her before. But she couldn't be sure what that meant. Other guards passed them in the hallway, but none took any interest in the scene. The further along they went, the more certain she was that they were headed towards the garage. So the moment of truth had come, and she prayed for an answer.

By the time they enetered the garage, they hadn't seen another guard in a while. No one was there, either. At least, that was what Sam thought until she heard one of the vehicles start. She jumped at the suddenness of the noise, but the man and his colleagues were unphased.

"Quickly now."

"Just like that?" Daniel wondered.

The man looked puzzled. "They will notice your absence at any time. We must leave before they lockdown the building."

"Just like that," Jack answered with a shrug. They all hopped into the back of the large truck.

This was too easy, even for them. Sam was all but certain. But what could she do then? Certainly, real or not, the rest of her team wouldn't just let her take off. And all that awaited her at that moment was the cell. That option didn't appeal to her, real or not. For the moment all she could do was watch and wait.

Everyone was quiet as they pulled out, afraid that they'd somehow give themselves away. Only when the vehicle had made it a fair distance away did anyone dare to speak.

"So you're the 'Believers', I take it," Jack said.

"They are," the man affirmed.

"If you are not one of them, how was contact so easily attained?" Teal'c asked. It was something that Sam was curious about as well. A group like theirs wouldn't be able to last long if they weren't well hidden.

He smiled at the question. "My brother has been with them for years. I did not hold the same faith, for either side. But of course I could not turn in my own brother. When I saw your weapons, your clothing, it was then I realized he had been right all along. It was he who contacted them."

"I'm not sure where to begin," Daniel said. He clearly had a whole slew of questions.

"We don't really have time for you to play twenty questions right now," Jack responded.

"He is right. But we will have plenty of time when we reach the camp."

Sam's eyes widened in surprise. Jack and Daniel responded at the same time. "Camp?"

"Yes," the man responded simply. "The Believers have numerous small, autonomous camps."

"But will not their first destination be to secure the Matellan?" Teal'c pointed out.

"Most likely."

"We need to get there first," Jack said. He pulled up the canvas to look outside. It was dark, the middle of the night, with little light coming from the stars and a half moon. They had left the city, but their course was parallel to the woods beside them.

"They are expecting you," the man said.

"Look, we really appreciate what you've done, but if we don't go now, there may not be a second chance."

The man was shocked, surprised by Jack's insistence. Sam wondered how he couldn't have expected it. They weren't prepared to enforce their edict, their weapons holstered. Jack noticed this too, and she saw that Teal'c had also caught on. Knowing what was going to happen next, Sam had to act first.

Swallowing hard and taking a deep breath, Sam steeled herself, and dived out the back of the truck. Shocked cries followed her out the flap.

Leading with her shoulder, she tucked as she approached the ground quickly. She let the momentum pull her into the roll. But even so the landing threatened to steal her breath. The truck was going at a fair clip, meaning it was going to hurt like hell no matter how well she executed the maneuver. The rocky ground bit at her body, and guilt at leaving her team behind knotted up the rest.

She tried to tell herself that at least she provided them a significant distraction to make their own move. But if she had waited for them, there would have been no chance of her slipping away. Because at the moment all she knew was that she couldn't go through the stargate. Not until she was sure what was going on. What was real.

It took several moments for Sam to steady herself and get to her feet. The distance between her and the truck opened quickly. And as the engine noise started to get quieter, she could hear faint alarms from down in the city. Not only would her team be out soon, but Talquin's men would be on them quickly enough. Having wasted enough time, Sam took off for the treeline.

She thought she heard distant thumps of flesh hitting earth, but didn't bother to look back. A few more seconds and she'd be in the cover of the forest. While she held no illusions about being able to outrun them on a clear track, she hoped to simply lose them in the maze.

"Carter!" The distant cry pierced through the night air, almost stopping her in her tracks.

The trees blocked out most of the light, making it even darker within the forest. A blessing and a curse. It made her nearly impossible to see, and it made it nearly impossible for her to see. There was no way to keep her hurried pace, not unless she wanted to slam face first into a tree. Sam slowed to a modest jog, still barely able to make out the obstacles before her.

Her head started to pound in time to her pulse. Harder and harder the further she went. The sound of her own heartbeat drowned out everything else. She forced herself to keep moving. Knowing that her team was somewhere behind her. Hoping they'd give up and go for the gate before they managed to find her, as foolish as the notion may have been.

And Sam realized how stupid she was being. They weren't just going to stop looking for her. She certainly wouldn't stop looking for any of them. She was going to get them all recaptured, by one side or the other. As much as she may have doubted it, she still couldn't be sure that this was just another illusion.

With trembling legs Sam dropped to her knees. She gasped for air, her pulse still racing. What the hell was she supposed to do? Her breathing was so loud she thought she could be heard from a mile away. Should she hide? Let them find her? Usually so logical, she cursed herself for not thinking this through better. Not that she really had had time to.

Now she felt herself covered in a cold sweat. She tried to steady her breathing, to no avail. Holding her breath only worked for a few moments, and then she was gasping twice as hard.

"Carter!" the subdued call was practically on top of her. Sam started to rise to get away, but a hand grabbed her arm. It was unnecessary, her limbs to shaky to hold her up.

"At ease, major. What the hell was that?"

She tried to pull out of the grasp, and failed miserably. She started to feel dizzy.

"Sam, what's going on?" Daniel asked. The spinning confirmed what she had feared, making Sam whimper in dismay. Her head still throbbed violently, and her body shook.

Even as the distant quality started to take everything, Sam spoke. But not to her imaginary teammates.

"Don't do this. Don't do this."

She tried to listen for the voices, but there was only the fading ones of Jack and the others. Was there anyone there this time? Her body was far less responsive this time, she couldn't even open her eyes. Her body shook, her head throbbed, and her stomach knotted. Those involuntary acts were all she could do.

"How can this have happened again?"

"I... I don't know."

Her stomach spasmed causing her to vomit all over herself. The rest of the conversation was lost to her.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: A speedy update for y'all, sort of an apology for that midstory hiatus. And two chapters to boot. Just seems to be coming out that way. Now back to our regularly scheduled program...**

"Jesus..."

"What did they do?"

"How the hell should I know? Hurry up and get that stuff off of her."

"Get moving, people, we don't have all day."

"Zip it and watch our six, lieutenant," Jack said. Her brain finally started to identify the voices, and comprehend the words.

"She's burning up, Jack," Daniel's voice was heavy with distress.

"Major Carter's pulse is extremely high as well," Teal'c added.

Sam's head pounded violently with each heartbeat. The cloying scent of vomit hung in the air, bringing her dangerously close to throwing up yet again. Even her very muscles ached deeply, as though hse had tried to run several marathons in rapid succession. All this she observed with detachment, not yet conscious enough to truly feel the sensations in her body.

She listened to them move frantically about her. A brief groan issued from a throat too dry to continue the sound. She hadn't tried to do it, so Sam didn't understand how the sound could have come from her.

"Sam?" Daniel responded immediately.

"The distraction isn't going to last forever." It took a moment for her to place the other voice, Lieutenant Manning. He was growing impatient.

She was pulled to a sitting position, the change in altitude making her dizzy even with her eyes still closed. It also proved to be the final straw, her stomach spasming. Nothing came up, but she still heaved until she passed out yet again.

While nothing was distinct, Sam remembered anxious voices. There was yelling. Even exchanges of gunfire. She couldn't even be more specific with who was talking or who was shooting at who. The brief moments of consciousness never lasted more than a few seconds.

The pain grew as she started to wake up again. Blossoming in her head, arcing through the rest of her body. She was curled up tightly on her side. Sobbing. It made the pain even worse, but she couldn't stop herself. Sam stopped trying, for the effort only made her cry harder.

A hand rested on her shoulder. The gesture meant to comfort, but it didn't alleviate her suffering in the slightest.

"They're going to hear her!" Manning said in a sharp whisper.

Daniel sighed. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"I have a field kit, can't we sedate her?"

"Oh yeah," heavy sarcasm that even she couldn't miss, "more drugs is exactly what she needs. Sam's vitals are all over the place."

"The others have been gone too long now. Major Carter may have already compromised our position."

Sam opened her eyes. The tears blurred everything. All she could make out was that it was twilight, and that they were outside. She tried to muffle her sobs, and was at least partially successful. The pain hadn't eased in the slightest, so she still didn't dare to move.

"She's awake," Manning said.

"Sam? Hold on a little longer ok? We'll be out of here soon."

She just laid there, too exhausted to even try to react or respond. The only thing she did was to pray for unconsciousness again, to get away from the hammering in her skull.

There was a distant hiss in the air, a sound she was very familiar with. A flare.

"That's our cue. Ok, Sam, it's time to move again," Daniel said.

Two sets of hands lifted her up. Her arms were slung across their shoulders and they dragged her along. The world spun wildly around her. Sam shut her eyes and went along for the ride.

By the time they made it to the valley with the stargate she was barely conscious. Several SG teams flanked the gate in defensive formations. She fought to keep her eyes open, but they spent more and more time shut.

"Doctor Jackson, where are the others?"

"The patrols got ahead of us, they went off to divert them. They'll be here soon!"

"Ok. Take Major Carter back to the SGC now, we'll hold the gate for them."

Sam tried to protest, but she didn't manage to form words. She wasn't completely certain that she had even made sounds as consciousness slipped away yet again.


	11. Chapter 11

Jack slid in beside Teal'c, tucking against a natural hollow in the ground.

"Man these guys are persistent," Jack said in hushed tones. They had been taking their persuers on arbitrary loops to give the others time to reach the safety of the gate. All the running around had his knees ready for a break.

He certainly was more than ready to be done with this place.

"They approach," Teal'c said. Both of them pressed against the ground even further, going completely silent.

Heavy boots thudded all around them, the local version of flashlights sweeping the groound. The men came through the area, but they continued right past. Neither moved until the group was a safe distance away.

"I think it's time to double back to the gate," Jack stated. The others had more than enough time to get there.

"Indeed."

"Hope Colonel Ryan's having as much luck with his group." They had split up into two groups to further confuse the guards chasing them. The rest of SG-7 had split off into the other direction, Lieutenant Manning staying with Daniel and Sam. And that was as much thought that he dared to spare for that. Now was not the time to get caught up in just how horrible she had looked when they found her.

Teal'c took point, wielding the sidearm that the other SG team had provided them. At least Jack could take comfort in that. They were armed, however marginal. It certainly wouldn't help them if they got pinned down, but it did widen their options.

Gunfire sounded from the direction of the stargate. While it wasn't surprising, it wasn't a good thing either. Of course they were aware of their prisoners' destination. Ryan had told them the two teams back at the gate had brought enough weapons and explosives to hold their postion for a while. There hadn't been time to question the source of veracity of the intel, Jack only knew that the mission to rescue his team definitely had some sort of local help. Otherwise he couldn't see how they could locate their position or mount a successful incursion. Specifics didn't really matter, so long as everything held true.

He flipped on the radio Ryan had given him, no longer worried about it giving away their position.

"O'Neill to the gate teams, what's your status?"

The response had weaponsfire and shouting in the background. "Hostiles are probing our perimeter. We're holding them at bay, but they're beginning to mass. What's your ETA?"

"Fifteen if it's a straight shot. What's the status of Major Carter and SG-7?" Jack asked about the others.

"Major Carter has already been sent through to the SGC with Doctor Jackson and Lieutenant Manning. The rest of SG-7 is holed up with us."

Relief washed over him. Everyone was accounted for, and at least for the time being he could put Sam out of his mind and know that she was in good hands. All that remained was for him and Teal'c to get to the safety of the gate. Jack followed Teal'c through the trees, his jaffa senses allowing him to pick his way through the dark obstacle course faster than Jack could have managed.

A stray beam of light filtered through the woods behind them. Jack took a quick look back to see where it was coming from. He saw the heads of several other flashlights a significant distance away.

"Looks like they've come back around," Jack announced. They didn't appear to have spotted him or Teal'c, but just seemed to be headed in the same direction. Probably called back to assist at the gate. At the distance they were, they didn't have to worry about getting shot. So long as they maintained it.

Less than a minute later he heard the shouts coming from the group, knowing that they had been seen. Someone fired, but the projectile hit a tree long before it got anywhere near them.

"Hurry up, T!" Jack huffed between breaths. Teal'c didn't respond. They both already knew that he was threading his way through as quickly as he could. As their pursuers got closer, Jack aimed his pistol behind him and let off a couple rounds. He didn't seriously hope to hit anyone, he couldn't spare the attention to aim and avoid running straight into a tree. He hoped to slow them down momentarily.

Apparently his shot was luckier than he thought. At least one bullet had apparently been close enough to make several of them dive for cover, he heard multiple bodies sliding into the dirt and leaves. But there was still the steady sound of footfalls behind them, not all had been scared by his action.

Jack may have even made it worse. Emboldened by his success, the remaining pursuers began firing again. Bullets sprayed into the forest, riddling the vegetation around them. He could also hear the firefight at the stargate, they were about to crest into the valley at any moment.

Jack pulled up his radio again. "We're coming in hot!"

The woods from their approach ended quite suddenly, giving way to the sandy descent into the valley. Teal'c took it in stride, but the change in terrain nearly sent Jack sprawling on his face. In the center of the valley, about one hundred yards away, he could make out the gate. The surrounding stones reflected the bright bursts of light from the defenders weapons.

"Down!" the call came through the radio. Teal'c dove to the ground immediately, Jack quickly following. A wall of bullets sailed overhead, stoping the guards in their tracks. They scattered behind whatever cover they could find. Short bursts kept them from coming back out.

Jack followed Teal'c, both keeping low to the ground on their approach. About halfway to their destination he saw someone approach the DHD, and the gate's chevrons began to light up. When the stargate activated moments later, light illuminated the whole area. The statues cast long shadows into the sand. They got up and ran the last portion.

"Don't stop!" Colonel Ryan called out to them as they passed.

"Don't need to tell me twice," Jack responded. They shot through the rippling surface at a dead run.

Teal'c's grasp kept Jack from tumbling down the steps at the end of the ramp, then pulled him to the side while he was still recovering. The SG teams poured through the gate like a flood of men. Colonel Ryan was the last one through.

"Close the iris!" he called up to the observation room. There were a couple slams against the metal barrier, projectiles or people Jack didn't know or care. Then the gate shutdown, leaving the only sounds in the room heavy breathing.

"Is everyone all right?" Hammond said as he entered the gate room.

"Just a few dings, sir," Ryan responded.

"General..." Jack began.

Hammond nodded solemnly before he could finish his request. "Go."

Jack didn't like the expression on his face, racing to the infirmary.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: More chapters, hooray! Though I must say that next story I'm going back to my old way of breaking up chapters, rather than doing it at every perspective change, but since I've come this far I can't change now. I really hate that asterisks don't show up for breaks, I'll have to figure something else out. Down with evil formatting...**

She had stopped breathing when they went through the stargate. At first Daniel had assumed she merely passed out again until a quick search of her vitals revealed her pulse had started racing again, and it was then that he noticed. Janet and the medical team were already entering the gate room when he had called out the alarm. Daniel followed the doctor all the way to the infirmary, ignoring Lieutenant Manning who kept in stride. He had been stopped at the door by an apologetic nurse. They didn't need anyone getting in the way.

He stood there for some time, waiting for someone to come through and tell him it wasn't as bad as it looked.

"I wonder if the others are ok," Manning said.

It wasn't until then that Daniel realized that it had been a while since they'd come through the gate. He needed to go and see if there was an update on the others. But he was reluctant to leave, even though he couldn't see or contribute anything at that time. His worry for Jack and Teal'c continued to rise until it rivaled his concern for Sam. He had to at least check.

Daniel had no more than turned around when Jack rounded the corner and just missed bowling him over. Lieutenant Manning wasn't as lucky. Both landed on the floor in a heap. Teal'c stopped short.

"Watch where you're standing!" Jack said.

Teal'c ignored them completely, first eying Daniel and then the closed door. "What has transpired?"

"Sam stopped breathing," Daniel explained.

"How long?" Jack asked, already back on his feet.

"When we passed through the stargate. They got her bagged right away, but she still wasn't breathing on her own. I don't know anything else, they stopped us here."

"And nothing since?" Jack went up to the door and peered in the window. There was nothing to see, Daniel had already tried it.

"They're obviously too busy to give an update," Manning said. All three men gave him a withering stare. It was a fear that none of them wanted given voice. Manning slunk back a few paces.

A heavy silence fell as they all waited. No one took a seat, anxiety left them far too restless for such inactivity. Manning excused himself to go meet up with his own team. Time dragged on slowly.

When the door finally opened they eyed Janet, looking for some clue in her expression. It wasn't the miraculous news Daniel was hoping for, her expression was far too dour for that.

"We did manage to stabilize her, for now, and Sam is breathing on her own," Janet said quickly, answering the question she knew burned on all their minds.

"Is she ok?" Daniel asked?

The small woman bit her lip, clearly frustrated. "At this point it's really too soon to say anything. We don't know what's causing her symptoms. So we don't know that they won't recur or..."

Jack finished the thought she clearly didn't want to. "Or worse."

"Or worse," Janet confirmed with a frown. "We've sent her bloodwork over to the lab, and for the time being all we can really do is monitor her and treat any problems as they arise."

"Can we see her?" Daniel said.

"For a minute. I'm keeping her closely monitored until we're sure she's going to remain stable."

Jack lead, but Daniel and Teal'c were right on his heels. They had set Sam up in the corner, the curtain half closed. A nurse came out from behind it, on her way to tend to something else. When they finally got behind the curtain Daniel wasn't sure what he had expected.

The sight they saw was eerily similar to when they had found her back on the planet. Then she had been connected to IVs and various devices as she was now, nevermind that the two purposes were entirely different. Sam was still very pale, perhaps more so, or maybe it was just a trick of the white sheets on the bed. At least now they had been able to clean her up a little. The standard gown that hospitals favored replaced her BDUs that had been stained with her own vomit.

Daniel was pretty sure that, despite everything, they were all hoping for her to wake up, if only for a moment. Something to convince them that she was improving and not getting worse. When they were ushered away Sam still had not granted their silent requests.


	13. Chapter 13

Teal'c sat down with the others at the crowded briefing room table. It was only SG-1 and SG-7, the two gate teams, SG-3 and SG-5, had already conducted their debriefing. The general sat at his customary place. Though there was much to celebrate, the atmosphere in the room was reserved.

"Welcome back, SG-1," Hammond offered sincerely. Each gave a small nod of acknowledgment. "I know you have somewhere else you'd rather be, so we'll do this as quick as we can. I'm sure you have as many questions as I do about the last five days."

A small flash of surprise washed over Jack and Daniel. Teal'c knew they were not really that surprised about the passage of time. They had just been too preoccupied with other things to take note in it until then.

"There's not much that we can tell you from our end," Jack said. "We gated to the planet, we went to the city. A local saw us approaching and apparently contacted their military. They picked us up at the edge of the city."

At Hammond's quirked brow Daniel broke it down further. "We tried to explain to their leader, Talquin, that we were peaceful explorers, but they wouldn't lower their weapons. He was more willing to believe that we were from some sort of rebel faction that was playing some sort of hoax. I guess they're divided into those who believe the 'gods' exist, and those who think it's all a myth."

"O'Neill offered that we would leave and not return, but he refused this as well," Teal'c said.

"We had to surrender... there weren't any alternatives," Jack added. He clearly doubted the soundness of his choice, even though there hadn't been a choice.

"No one is doubting your judgment in this matter," Hammond replied, knowing that Jack was laying blame on himself for what had transpired. Even if there was nothing he could have done about it. He moved the topic forward. "So what after you were taken captive?"

Daniel spoke again. "They drove us to some building in the city and locked us up. Then the leader came back and wanted us to give names of these 'Believers' as they call them. We kept trying to tell him that we had no part of it. Then... they took Sam away to be interrogated. And they never brought her back."

"What about the three of you?" Hammond asked.

"They never touched us. We tried to get the guards to tell us what they were doing to her, where she was, anything... but they ignored us," Jack said as he shook his head. "We were under constant watch so we couldn't try to escape. We just sat in that cell until Colonel Ryan and his team showed up. Then we searched the rest of the building until we found Carter."

Hammond was already aware from that point on. He had been present when they had given all the pertinent information to Janet that they could. That she very clearly had been hooked up to some sort of drugs. How she floated in and out of consciousness, but was never very lucid. The multiple times that she had vomited in their presence, and obviously had done so previously as well. Unfortunately, they had even less to offer the doctor than they did the general in terms of information.

He brought them up to speed on events from their side.

"When we activated the stargate for your first check in, there were several people standing around the MALP. They told us that there were rumors about people coming through from somewhere else. We tried to raise you on the radio but got no response. Apparently they had spies with the division that took you. We asked them for information and they were finally able to tell us that you had been captured, but their description of the defenses made it clear that an extraction with our limited resources would not be feasible.

"They saw this as a way to prove their claims. It was their idea to stage mass riots in the area, pulling most of the military force away to reestablish order. SG-7 went in and retrieved you during this window. They hoped that if they made the event large enough, there was no way that the government could deny its occurrence. I believe they even took footage of the active gate."

"Good for them," Jack said dryly. Teal'c had to agree, he really didn't care what happened on the other planet.

There was little else to be added, so the debriefing quickly drew to a close.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Ok, the short breather is almost over. I think next update will be when things start to pick up again. Yay.**

She was drugged, even just entering the realm of consciousness she could tell that much. It was the good kind of drugged that left the thundering in her skull dulled to a level that she could deal with. That left her more able to focus on how tired she was, like she could sleep for a week. And no matter how good the stuff they gave her was, it still couldn't fully mask the fact that she simply felt like crap.

There were familiar sounds and smells around her. So she was in the infirmary, at the SGC. The thought should have been enough to make her extatic, even if she did feel akin to death warmed over. But Sam couldn't muster any excitement for it. She just didn't want to deal with it all again. Maybe she could just keep her eyes closed a little longer and not have to deal with it.

The yo-yo came to a stop in his hand, Sam only just noticing the sound. She heard the chair creak as Jack leaned back.

"I know you're awake, sleepyhead."

Sam opened her eyes, blinking against the fluorescent lights. And rolled onto her side away from him with a sigh. "Leave me alone."

His stunned silence almost left her pleased with herself. She certainly wasn't acting her normal self. At that moment she just didn't have the desire to play along.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asked tentatively, finally breaking the silence that had descended.

Sam didn't for a moment think that any of this was real, but she still found herself feeling sorry for him. She tossed him a bone. "Like a bomb went off in my skull."

"Ouch," he sympathized.

"The drugs are nice, though."

She could imagine his wry smile behind her. "The doc is good for that much at least. Let me get the others, you had us all really worried."

"What happened?" she asked finally turning back around. She may not have wanted to, but she needed to figure out what was going on sooner or later. He stopped halfway to the phone on the wall.

"You stopped breathing. Luckily it happened after Daniel gated back to Earth with you." Jack paused for a moment, clearly distressed. "Carter, what did they do?"

"I don't know."

Sam didn't want to discuss it, to give him a chance to raise doubts. She also thought it might be better not to tip her hand too soon. Whatever good it would do.

"You don't remember any of it?" He seemed to be probing her, as if he doubted her response. But apparently he wasn't prepared for a confrontation, the question light.

She held firm, thinking of something he might possibly buy. "No. I just... I remember throwing up. A lot."

Jack rubbed at the back of his head, uncomfortable with the subject. "Yeah..."

The fatigue was starting to win, Sam finding it increasingly difficult to keep her eyes open. And, thankfully, it provided her an excuse to hold off on the concerns and questions she knew would come from the others. Hopefully giving her time to think of a way out of this. She stifled a yawn.

"Can we put this off for a bit, sir? I feel like I haven't slept in days."

"Oh. Yeah. Of course. Sorry, I'll let Daniel and Teal'c know that you woke up. See you later, Carter."

Sam nodded, closing her eyes as he left. She had planned to do some thinking and figure out a gameplan before giving in, but she was asleep almost immediately.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Sorry for the bit of delay here. Some people at work were feeling very generous and passing a cold around. Needless to say it didn't leave me feeling very ambitious. Here be some more without further adieu.**

"Sam woke up? How is she? What did she say? Is everything ok?"

Jack raised his hands in front of him to calm Daniel. "Heel, boy."

"Jack, I just asked you a question," Daniel said defensively.

"No, you asked me a half dozen questions. It may have sounded like one because you neglected to take a breath in between each sentence."

Teal'c almost had a smirk on his face. "It was, in fact, four questions, O'Neill."

Jack raised a finger to silence the jaffa. "Not helping, T."

"Jack..." Daniel was growing impatient.

"She didn't say too much. She seemed ok, all things considered."

"Did she tell you what had transpired, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

"Carter said she didn't remember."

"You don't sound so sure about that," Daniel replied.

Jack shrugged. "She seemed a little dodgy. Of course it could have just been that she couldn't keep her eyes open."

"Perhaps she will be more forthcoming when she has had a chance to recuperate."

"Maybe, T. Just have to wait and see I guess," Jack said.


	16. Chapter 16

After Jack had came and told her that Sam woke up briefly, Janet had gone to check up on the patient. Sam was fast asleep so she was careful not to disturb the woman. Janet checked her vitals and key stats. While still not within norms, Sam had improved significantly. It was something that made give a little sigh of relief.

Preliminary results from the bloodwork had just come in. She had managed a quick glance at the report before coming down. It only managed to confirm what was already pretty obvious, that whatever they had put in Sam was nothing they had come across before. And, it was a series of drugs, not one single compound. Which made their work that much more complicated. But at least if Sam continued to improve on her own they wouldn't be on the clock to identify and counteract the drugs.

Realistically, it could take months. If they were lucky.

Noting the late hour, Janet sighed and took the report to her office for a more thorough reading before she'd call it a night.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam turned off the monitoring devices before removing each one. She had been awake for some time, long enough to know that no one was going to check on her for a while. The clocks showed that it was after midnight, and she knew at this hour there'd be far less people to run into in the hallway. Hopefully none of them would be between her and the locker room. It certainly would be easier to explain herself after she put on some proper clothes.

The familiar voices had been muttering something while she slept. Unfortunately she couldn't understand actual words no matter how much she had tried. All she knew was that she had to act, buy herself some time to figure out what to do next.

Slipping out, Sam peered down the hallway before continuing. Seeing that the coast was clear she continued on, making her way to the locker room as fast as she could without actually running down the halls. Trying to be less obvious about her intentions in case she was seen. Thankfully it wasn't necessary, she didn't pass a single person on her way there.

It was only a matter of moments before she was in her streets. Just as quickly she was back in the hallways, heading towards the closest emergency ladder. Sam's heart was pounding by the time she got there, adrenaline flooding her system. But still she was not seen, even as she fumbled loosening the clamps that sealed the door shut. When she finally got them opened, she swung open the heavy door, wincing at the loud groan. And in the hopes of buying herself a little more time, she pulled the door shut behind her. She doubted anyone passing by would notice the clamps were open.

There was a moment of deja vu as she climbed the ladder. It was exactly like when she had escaped during the foothold situation. Except then she had a clear plan, notifying someone outside of the SGC of the breach. But this time there was no one to run to that could magically solve this situation. They weren't even real people, it was just all in her head.

The pounding in her head had started in earnest again from the exertion. By the time Sam reached the top her head was throbbing and she was panting heavily. The hatch protested loudly as she swung it open, but thankfully no one was around to hear it. She shut it as quietly as she could before heading to the far side of the mountain. There was just a tall chain link fence in that direction for her to scale.

Sam continued on until the trees cleared into the streets. Nearby the bus stop was illuminated by streetlights. She heard the bus just around the corner so she ran the last stretch to make it. No one else was standing there, the area was pretty well dead this time of night. She rubbed her forehead briefly with one hand, trying futilely to ease the pain.

The bus stopped and the doors slid open. Sam walked up the steps and dropped in her fare, barely giving the driver a second glance. He didn't react. Only a few people were seated intermittently. She bypassed them all and sat in the rear of the bus, curled up against the side. The cool glass of the large window soothed, but not nearly enough.

Before they were all over her, she had to figure out where she was going to go and what she was going to do. Much to her chagrin, her plan had not really gone beyond getting out of the base. It was hard to focus, to think about the future, with the pain coming back full bore. She wished that these side effects didn't have to bleed through into her imagination, or however it was exactly that they did what they did. Sam really didn't care to haggle the details, especially when it really didn't matter.

Thankfully, she would have a bit of time before they would expand their search out of the base, if everything went the way it should. They had no reason to immediately think she was running off somewhere. First they'd search the base, run through security tapes. However long that took was the time she had to get together some cash and get out of the general area. The fifty someodd dollars she kept in her wallet wouldn't get her very far.

Sam got off the bus a couple stops later, making towards an ATM across the street, something of a plan formed in her head.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: And God looked down on the word processor and said, "Let there be quotes!" Hope you enjoy the pre-end-of-the-world chapter.**

"How?" Jack's voice echoed sharply off the concrete walls.

Janet's voice was equally terse. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? She just got up and walked out of the infirmary and no one noticed?"

"Nurses we're checking up on her every two hours. Her condition didn't warrant constant attention."

"Clearly you were wrong," Jack said. His voice had gone back down to normal levels, but it didn't lessen the sting.

"Clearly," Janet agreed.

"Jack," Daniel began, "no one could have seen this coming."

"Yeah, sure. Because nothing unexpected ever happens here."

Teal'c's brow furrowed slightly, having grown impatient with Jack's lashing out in frustration. "Laying blame will benefit no one."

Everyone was silent for several moments. Jack and Janet still eyed each other severely. Finally Jack turned away and took a deep breath. Restless hands brushed across his scalp.

"Yeah... I know."

"They're sweeping the base now. They'll find her," Daniel said, voicing the positive.

"Doctor, just what do we know about what they gave Major Carter?" Hammond asked.

Janet shrugged. "Really at this point all I can say is that it was some sort of cocktail. A couple of the drugs are close enough in composition to Earth counterparts to identify their purpose, but most of it is something completely new. There were at least two different sedatives, and extrapolating from the levels in her system when she arrived through the gate, they had given her extremely high doses."

"How high?" Jack asked, all accusation gone from his tone.

"Potentially lethal. I think if she had never been blended with Jolinar she'd likely have died from that alone."

"It's only drugs, right?" Daniel began, then clarified. "I mean, we're sure that there isn't something controlling her."

"We did the standard MRIs and ultrasound. There was nothing to indicate any foreign organisms in her body, Goa'uld or otherwise."

"So what the hell is she trying to do?" Jack wondered. No one answered because there was no way for them to know.

The radio in Jack's hand crackled to life. "Sector Charlie to command."

"Go ahead," he responded immediately.

"We found something in the locker room."

Something, not someone. Jack sighed. "What is it?"

"Major Carter's locker is open, and we found a gown in the trash."

He wasn't liking how things were adding up. "Is her cell phone in there?"

"Yes, sir."

Of course she wouldn't take that. "What else?"

"Some clothes and her purse."

"Let me guess," Jack scrubbed his eyes, "is there a wallet in there?"

There was a brief pause as the airman searched. "Negative."

"What is she doing?" Daniel asked, echoing Jack's earlier question.

"We need to lockdown the perimeter. If she's still on base, she won't be for long," Jack said.

"But where would she go?" Daniel continued.

"Who's to know? Whatever else they do, the drugs are clearly affecting her judgement," Janet replied. She bit her lip before addressing the general. "I'd like to go back to studying the samples. Maybe we can get a better idea of what's going on."

Hammond simply nodded and she left the room.

"We need to assume that she's already off base."

"She'd never make it out the gate," Daniel said.

Jack shook his head. "Carter sneaks out of the infirmary and you think that she'd take the front door out?"

"Major Carter would escape through the emergency ladders to the surface, as she did during the incursion of the SGC," Teal'c said.

"Yeah," Jack agreed. He called in teams to search the hatches. But he didn't really expect to find her on base. She had probably took off long before they realized she was missing. For a moment Jack could only wonder what was going on in her head that she would view them and the SGC as something to escape from. And, in turn, what would she then consider safe? The answers were beyond him at that point.

"I'll make the calls to get her accounts frozen," Hammond said.

"What about the police?" Daniel asked.

Jack shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea. We don't know what she's thinking. If she resisted some uppity patrol cop could overreact. I think we should keep this in house for now."

"Agreed, colonel," Hammond replied.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: I apologize for the delay in getting these out. I decided I wanted to post these three chapters together, and the last one took a little while to finish. On the bright side, it is a bigger update :)**

Sam had one hand propped against the narrow wall as she stared down into the toilet bowl. When the flight attendants started passing around food, she found she was starving. But it had only taken a couple bites to realize her mistake. She threw it up almost immediately, but there was little of substance for her body to eject. The bowl remained nearly empty but the nausea had barely eased. Sam was so lost in the sensation that she didn't notice the small sink digging against her hip.

Nothing else was going to come up, and Sam almost wished it would so she could feel at least a modicum of relief. She flushed the toilet and turned to the sink. Her face was pale, and she spent a minute just looking at herself. When she snapped herself out of it she turned on the tap and started rinsing out her mouth. Even though she knew the attempt to wash out the taste was useless. She drank very little of the water, not wanting to give her stomach an excuse for a repeat performance. Then she turned the tap on hot and tried to rub some color into her features. She was only slightly more successful with this endeavor.

Returning to her seat, Sam was glad to have the row to herself. She slid all the way to the end, curling up against the window. Despite how tired she was, between her physical discomfort and general uneasiness, sleep was elusive. The rest of the flight was spent drifting in and out of that space between asleep and awake. Until she swore she could feel the presence of her captors. Dull whispers in the back of her head that caused her eyes to snap open and any thought of sleep to be forgotten.

At that point the announcement came on that the plane would be landing soon. Sam looked down at her watch. 5:48. The sky had begun to lighten, and before long the sun would be making its way up. Idly she wondered just how well she was doing at covering her tracks. Sure she had used a false ID, rushed as it was. But there was nothing to be done about it, she had had little time and even less money.

When she finally got off the plane Sam walked with purpose. There was little more than momentum driving her on, her body simply wanted to stop. She needed to keep going a bit further at least. People gave her a wide berth. Sam didn't take the time to ponder why, she knew she must look like hell but she couldn't bother herself to care. Besides, it meant even fewer interactions she'd have to deal with. Interacting was yet another thing she had little energy for, and lacked the desire entirely.

Sam pulled a buss schedule from the wall. With relief she saw one would be arriving in twenty minutes. From there she could transfer off and reach her final destination.

Sighing heavily, she all but collapsed onto the wooden bench.


	20. Chapter 20

Teal'c stood in the corner of the briefing room watching Jack pace back and forth across the room. He could sympathize with the man, while he was still on the outside inside his body hummed with the need for action. But there was little for them to do until they had something to go on. Airmen had already been dispatched to her home, though no one believed that they would find her there.

Hammond had told them a few hours ago that she had made an ATM withdrawal before the holds on her accounts went through. A thousand dollars. Clearly preparing to go under the radar. Still with the presence of mind to use countermeasures. While it made her harder to find, Teal'c could still take some small comfort in the fact that she was thinking at least that clearly.

"Ok," Jack began, unable to stand any more silence, "what would she have done?"

"How are we supposed to know?" Daniel countered.

"No. I mean, let's think about it a bit. Say you decided to break out of the SGC, what do you do first?"

Glad to have something productive to do, Teal'c joined in. "Major Carter would no her absence would not go unnoticed for long."

"So she'd have to work fast," Jack said.

"She'd need cash, hence the withdrawal." Daniel was getting into it as well.

"Can't stay around here," Jack continued. "Too hot."

"So she'd get as far away as she could as fast as she could."

"Her car's still on base and we know she never went home," Jack said.

Teal'c shook his head slightly. "She would be unable to travel using her true identity."

"Search through the plane, bus, and train tickets bought in the time frame of when she made a break for it. A rush job like that will show up."

Daniel's brow furrowed. "That could take a while."

"Well, it's the best we've got right now."


	21. Chapter 21

"Nice of the Cap to let us out early," Elliot said as he drove the car down the street.

Olivia gave a small laugh and rolled a kink out of her shoulder. "After this week I think it's the least he could do."

Their victim had claimed harassment from her attacker. Olivia and Elliot were called to her apartment late at night on several occasions. Unfortunately, they finally learned that the charges had all been trumped up in her desire for attention. So the detectives were left exhausted and without anything to show for it.

The car pulled up to Olivia's apartment building. "Any exciting plans?"

"Hah. Just a date with my pillow," she replied.

"It's four o'clock, don't you think it's a bit early for that?"

Olivia shook her head. "Nope. I don't think I'll have any trouble going to sleep."

"Yeah, probably not. In fact, I think that sounds like a good idea. See ya tomorrow."

"Later, El."

She watched the car drive off for a few moments before turning towards the building and walking in. All the way up Olivia only thought about how she was going straight to her bed and not getting up before the sun did. She even contemplated whether she could be bothered to hold off long enough to change. It wouldn't be the first time she went to bed fully clothed.

Olivia pulled out her key and unlocked the door, running on auto pilot. Her jacket landed on the back of a chair as she passed through the kitchen. Maybe she should have something to eat first. That thought stopped her in front of the fridge. She pondered how hungry she actually was as she scanned the contents for something suitable. Pulling out the milk carton, her eyes laid on the expiration date for a brief second before she took it to the sink and poured it out.

"Yuck," she breathed the word. At least there weren't chunks in it, she thought with a sigh.

The faintest sound had Olivia stiffening. Her hand was already gripping the handle of her gun. Unsure what it was she heard, she simply stood stock still, listening. All she heard were the ambient noises of the city filtering through the walls. She was about to chalk it up to fatigue when she heard it again. Small, a whimper, barely audible but definitely _in_ her apartment.

Now her weapon was drawn. She slowly made her way in the direction of the noise, going down the short hallway. The bathroom door was halfway shut. Olivia knew she didn't leave it that way. As she approached the door, she heard it again. Definitely from inside. Gun at the ready, she slowly pushed the door open.

The sheer bewilderment left her frozen.

Wedged between the toilet and the bath tub, head lolled against an arm draped against the tub, was Sam. She thought she must be seeing things wrong. For the life of her, Olivia couldn't figure out why she would be there. They hadn't even talked in over a week, much less made any sort of plans.

Olivia managed to get her brain to take a step back. A far more important question at that moment than why she was there was.. why she was _there_. Curled up in the bathroom, and almost as pale as the porcelain around her. Finally able to take in Sam's haggard appearance, it scared her.

"Sam?" Olivia asked tentatively. She holstered her gun as she crossed the small bathroom. Sam didn't seem to hear her. Her brow was furrowed as if she was in pain. As Olivia's hand came to rest on her shoulder, Sam gave a soft moan. Olivia shook her gently. "Sam, wake up."

"Leave me alone," Sam slurred. Still far from conscious. Concern began to knot Olivia's stomach.

"Sam."

Another whimper, more plaintive than before as she came to. Sam clutched at her skull, curling up even tighter. Olivia pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

"I'm calling an ambulance," she said, though she didn't expect an answer.

"No!" Sam's firm refusal made her start. And it left her confused.

"You need a doctor. You look like... You don't look good."

Sam started to push her away, trying to stand. "I can't go to a hospital."

"Easy, easy." Olivia tried to keep her still but Sam wasn't having it. She was unsteady on her feet, so Olivia did the only thing she could and held her steady. "What the hell is going on, Sam?"

"Don't call."

She tilted Sam's head to look at her eye to eye. Olivia tried to glean some sort of understanding from her face. All she was sure of was Sam's desperation. And the distinct impression that she was on something.

"Why not?"

"They can't find me."

"Who?" Olivia said in frustration. When she was sure Sam wasn't going to answer her, she continued. "What did you take?"

Sam's eyes widened for a moment. Then her brow furrowed in anger. "I didn't take anything. I was drugged."

"Drugged?" Olivia parroted in disbelief. "By whom?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Sam," Olivia's voice was harsh, "give me a break here for Christ's sake."

Deflated, Sam all but collapsed onto the edge of the bath tub. Olivia sat beside her. "It happened on a mission, alright?"

Olivia bit her lip, remembering back to when they were captured by Onaman. She hadn't put too much thought about being thrust into Sam's world again. And certainly she wouldn't have pictured it happening like this.

"Those alien things?"

Sam shook her head softly, clearly not wanting to aggravate it. "Someone else."

"What about your team?" Olivia didn't understand why she wasn't with them. Wouldn't they be the first ones she turned to in a situation like this. When trouble came down on the job Elliott was always number one on her list.

"No."

Realization hit her. "They are the ones you're hiding from? I don't understand. Can't they help you somehow?"

"No, they can't. I need to stay away from the SGC. They're trying to use me to gather intel. I can't let them get anything else."

Olivia wasn't sure what else to say. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Sam leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees and head cradled in her hands. Olivia stroked her back softly. Everything in her screamed that Sam needed a doctor. Whatever was happening, it was clearly potent. But what could she do when Sam told her something like this? It left her feeling hopelessly impotent.

"I don't have a choice," Sam finally responded softly.

"Come on," Olivia coaxed Sam to her feet, "you need to rest."

She saw protest in Sam's eyes briefly, but it faded before she could even give it voice. They walked slowly to the bedroom. Olivia helped her to sit on the edge of the bed. "When's the last time you had anything to eat?"

"Not hungry."

"Fine." She'd revisit the issue a little later. "But you at least need to drink a little something."

Before Sam could say anything either way, Olivia went to the kitchen and got a glass of water. She frowned to herself as she looked at the empty milk carton resting on the counter, she was past due to get some groceries. When she returned Sam only took a hesitant sip before setting it aside. The knot in her stomach cinched tighter.

She got Sam settled in the bed before sliding in beside her. Though she was laying down, Olivia held no illusions about getting any sleep herself.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: So I've finally done up an outline for the rest of this story, and have that mostly completed. Which means that I just need to whip up the actual chapters (I'm up to 36 on the outline, to give you a little idea of how long this thing is going to be). Got tomorrow off and plans no greater than lazing around the house and writing, so should have some more posted tomorrow too :)**

Sam awoke to the heat of the sun arcing across her face. She gave a small moan, the sensation not unpleasant. Squinting, she stared out at the sun through the half closed curtains. The sprawling cityscape couldn't hide the fact that it was a beautiful day outside. The vice around her head had eased enough for her to appreciate the fact. For a while she did no more than lay there, staring out at nothing in particular.

The last day was mostly a blur. She barely remembered picking the lock to Olivia's apartment. Then there had been nothing to do but wait, spending the day flitting between fitful half consciousness and being awake. Details after that got especially hazy. Sam tried to remember more, but her efforts didn't produce much. Olivia had made her take a couple sips of water here or eat a couple of bites there, but that was as far as her recollection went. She wasn't even sure what she had eaten, but at least she didn't remember throwing up yet again.

Deciding that a little more sleep might be a good thing, Sam rolled away from the window and closed her eyes. She did her best to ignore the dull throb in the back of her head. Just as sleep was about to claim her again, she noticed murmurs from the other room. Her ears perked and she could just make out words through the wall.

"No, Cap, I'm fine. Just something has come up," Olivia said. There was a brief pause as the person on the other end of the phone responded. "It's complicated... Yes. Yes. Thank you... I'm not sure how long, a few days... No, I appreciate it, thank you."

Sam sat up slowly. As much as she'd like to sleep for a week or so, she definitely wasn't in the clear yet. But what was the clear, she wondered. She was able to think a bit more clearly now, and the doubts started to raise again. She wanted to believe this all was real, desperately, it certainly felt real. The headaches, the nausea, they certainly felt real, and they had felt real previously, too. Maybe her mind was just translating what was happening to her body from what they were doing to her. If only she could think of some way to be sure.

Perhaps the most convincing argument was the voices. She still heard them from time to time, not really words. But then she hadn't woken up like she had the previous times, so perhaps she was just too far under to hear that clearly. So, did they get it right this time? Would she not wake up on her own like before? And if not, how long were they going to continue this until they got bored with her? How long _could_ she go on like this, physically?

And that begged another question, she was feeling significantly better right now. What did that mean? Was it just the natural progression, was her body just adjusting to the drugs or whatever that they were using? There were far too many questions that she simply couldn't answer. She just had to assume that this was just as fake as everything else had been until she could prove otherwise. If these people had the technology for this sort of interrogation, who knew if they also possessed any technology that could be a threat to Earth.

Unsettled by her thoughts, Sam got up, needing to escape the solitude. Her legs only felt a little unsteady as she walked. As a precaution she kept one hand against the wall. Olivia was leaning against the island in the kitchen, staring off blankly.

"Cragen?" Sam asked, though it had been obvious who she was talking to.

Startled, Olivia jumped. "Uh, yeah. Figured I should call in before everyone starts wondering where I am." She studied Sam for several moments. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," Sam said. She gave a small smile. "But definitely better than before."

"Good," Olivia replied with obvious relief. Sam then studied Olivia in a similar fashion. Dark circles showed that the woman had not gotten any rest herself last night, and probably for longer than that. She felt a twinge of guilt.

"Sorry," Sam said.

"For what?"

Sam shrugged. "Dumping this on you, for starters."

Olivia guided her over to the couch, and Sam sank down with relief. She was ready to sit down. With little coaxing she let her head rest on Olivia's shoulder and she let her eyes close for a few moments.

"Perhaps now that you're a bit more coherent you can explain more what's going on."

Sam didn't immediately reply. She wasn't sure what to say. There was no way she could tell Olivia the whole truth, certainly not that she doubted that all of this was real. That would be a deal breaker.

"I just know enough to know that I need to lay low for a while."

"You had said something about them using you to gather information. How? I don't understand."

Sam shrugged, putting a small buffer of space between her and Olivia. She didn't have a good lie for that. "I don't know how. I just heard them talking while they were doing... whatever they were doing."

"I know my experience in this area is just a hair above nil, but this really doesn't make any sense. Why can't you just tell your team, the people on base, what's going on? Why can't they help you?"

"I'm trying to protect them. I don't know what these guys are after, or what they'll do when they find it. So I need to stay away from anything sensitive, which pretty much means anything to do with the SGC."

She saw Olivia frowning out of the corner of her eye. "How long are you going to do this? You looked like absolute hell last night, I was afraid to let you out of my sight."

"I'm sorry. But I am feeling better. I think the worst of it is over. It'll be ok," Sam said, trying to reassure her.

"Are you sure? What if there's some sort of permanent damage from leaving this untreated?"

"I can't be sure," Sam conceded, "but there's nothing to be done about it right now."

Olivia touched her arm to get Sam to look at her. "You didn't answer my question."

Sam gave a small sigh. She'd hoped Olivia wouldn't notice.

"How long?" she repeated herself.

And perhaps for the first time in the conversation, her statement was the entire truth. "I don't know."


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Well, a pretty big update for ya. I hope you like.**

It was mildly comforting to know that he wasn't the only one feeling restless. Jack could see Teal'c's own frustration very clearly around the edges. Nor was Daniel immune to it, they each felt the worry quite plainly. Unsure how much longer he could have stayed waiting, Jack nearly pounced on the General when he came into the briefing room. His posture made it very clear he had some sort of information.

"What do you got?" Jack asked. Thoughts of protocol were far from his mind at that point.

Hammond was unphased. "It looks like we found Major Carter's assumed identity. Heather Williams purchased a one way ticket to Rhode Island less than two hours after she went missing. Which is quite a feat for someone currently serving time for drug possession."

"Rhode Island?" Daniel said dubiously.

"Not a lot of travel selection at two in the morning," Jack replied.

"Is there no further information?" Teal'c asked.

Hammond shook his head. "No. Whatever she did after that was under the table."

"Well, Carter doesn't have family or anything there. Unless I'm mistaken she's never even set foot in Rhode Island before. So unless this is the least funny practical joke of all, I think we can safely say she's not staying there." Jack crossed his arms over his chest, deep in thought.

"Sam's certainly had enough time to leave already. Personally, I can only think of one place she might be going in that direction. Unless _I'm_ mistaken."

Jack gave a nod, knowing exactly where Daniel was referring to, or more precisely, who he was referring to. Sam was very private about it, but they all knew she was still seeing the detective in New York City. Benson, he recalled.

"Think you hit the nail on the head. New York seems the best bet. What's that Benson's number?" Jack went over to the table and picked up Sam's cell phone, turning it on.

"So you're just going to call her?" Daniel asked.

"We're inside a mountain... I was going to use the base line. But yes."

"Is that wise, Colonel?" Hammond said.

Jack responded with a shrug. "In all likelihood she knows it's only a matter of time before we put two and two together. If not, then maybe we can convince Benson to help us help her. I think we have to give it a shot, sir."

Teal'c nodded his head slightly. "I am in agreement with O'Neill."

"Yeah, you've got a point," Daniel admitted.

Hammond nodded. With the number in hand, Jack went into the office and dialled. The others were close behind. It rang half a dozen times, and Jack worried it was going to go to voice mail.

"Hello?" The voice was hesitant.

"Olivia Benson?" Jack asked.

She paused only a moment. "Who is this?"

"Colonel Jack O'Neill, Carter's C.O."

"Yeah, I remember," Olivia said. Though she couldn't see, Jack gave a wry smile. Yeah, after what had happened with the Goa'uld on Earth she probably wouldn't forget them any time soon.

"We've got a big problem here," he said, not entirely sure how to broach the subject.

He could swear she didn't sound surprised. "What is it?"

"Carter's gone missing."

"Missing?" she echoed.

"Well," Jack began. The truth was the best way to go on this, Olivia was a smart woman in her own right. "I guess 'took off' would be a more accurate description."

"Why would she do that?" The question was sincere. He'd almost say she was pleading for an answer.

"Unfortunately, we're not sure exactly. Something happened on a mission, she was in pretty bad shape. Some sort of drugs we're still trying to figure out."

"Is... is she ok?" Jack could feel her concern as tangibly as he could his own.

"We don't know. She didn't tell us what happened. We have no idea why she snuck off base, what's going through her head right now."

He could almost hear the tension in the silence. Olivia was conflicted, he knew. Jack took a breath, and pressed.

"We think she's heading your way. Benson, we need your help to find her. Everyone's worried about her."

In the ensuing silence Jack looked up at the others. Daniel's expression demanded an answer, to know if they were right or not. Teal'c's face belied nothing, but Jack knew the question lied underneath. Hammond's brow was furrowed as he listened to Jack's side of the conversation.

He heard her give a sharp exhale. "I'll let you know if I see her."

Jack heard her disconnect and set his own phone in the cradle. "Carter's with her."

"She said so?" Daniel asked.

"Not in so many words. But I'd bet on it. Sir?" He looked over to the General, his question not needing to be voiced.

"Go. The plane will be ready when you reach the airfield."


	24. Chapter 24

Sam was looking at Olivia as she slid her phone back in her pocket. Her anxiety had clearly risen steadily throughout the call. She stood from where she had been seated on the couch. Olivia just watched, waiting to see what Sam was going to do.

"That was Colonel O'Neill," she said.

"Yeah," Olivia answered even though it wasn't phrased as a question. She recalled his words, his concern, and silently cursed him for it. As if she wasn't already conflicted enough. Where before Sam had tipped her, if only just, now she simply didn't know what to think. Who should she believe?

All of this was making _her_ head start to hurt.

"It was only a matter of time before they figured it out."

"You don't know for sure that they have," Olivia said. She didn't believe for a moment that that was the case, though. But she was terrified of doing the wrong thing, and wished fervently that she knew what the wrong thing was.

"You don't know the Colonel," Sam responded. She started towards the door.

"Wait," Olivia called after her. "What do you think you're doing?"

Sam turned, looking slightly confused. "I can't stay here."

"And what? I'm just supposed to sit here and watch you go off on your own?"

"This isn't your problem," Sam returned. "I'm sorry that I got you involved in the first place."

Olivia shook her head. Whatever she may believe, she certainly wasn't about to let Sam take off on her own. Not after what she had seen last night. "Well, I am involved now. So, you're stuck with me."

Sam saw how useless arguing would be. "Fine."


	25. Chapter 25

"Well we know she took the call from here, so we know she left no more than a couple hours ago," Daniel said as they all stood inside Olivia's apartment. He stared at the milk carton still sitting on the counter. He tried to be positive, but hated that they had been so close.

If he had doubted Jack about Sam having been here, he didn't anymore. They tried to trace Olivia's phone to see where they had gone, but she had apparently turned it off. It had been a long shot.

Jack frowned as he stared out the window to the bustling city.

"You did the right thing," Daniel assured him, knowing he was doubting his decision earlier. "We had to give it a shot."

"Yeah," he hesitantly agreed with a sigh. "So what do we got now? We have no clue where they might go from here."

Jack's phone rang. "O'Neill. Hold on, Doc, let me put you on speaker." Jack held the phone out for the others to hear. "Ok, tell me you got some good news over there."

Janet was apologetic. "I don't think I'd go that far, Colonel. We've figured out some more about the drugs that Sam was given, but we still haven't figured out any antidotes to speak of."

"So what have you figured out?" Daniel asked.

"Only enough to be more concerned," Janet responded.

"That's not what I want to hear,"Jack said.

"No, sir," she agreed. "The drugs seem to have reacted to the foreign proteins in her blood. Where in you and me the drugs would simply run through the blood stream, in her body the proteins caused most of the drugs to bind to her fat cells. Which might explain why she had been given so much. She probably wasn't reacting the way they had anticipated, so they just kept giving her more to get the desired results."

Daniel frowned. "Isn't that a good thing?"

"Short term, maybe, but certainly not under these levels. It means that the drug is stored up in her body. And we know this stuff is very potent, even with a reduced load in her bloodstream was making her very sick. And as her body burns fat it's going to release even more into her system. All the vomiting she did before will only force her to burn more. Stress and exertion isn't going to help, either. It also means that it isn't going to wear off anytime soon."

She hesitated, causing Jack to prompt her. "And?"

Janet took in a deep breath. "Unfortunately, it's probably only going to get worse before it gets better."

Jack squeezed his forehead at the news. "You'd better get up here, then. Sounds like we're gonna need you, Doc."

"On my way." The reply was immediate.


	26. Chapter 26

Olivia drove the rental car in no particular direction. Sam had disabled the GPS shortly after they had taken it off the lot, at least keeping their location from being so blatant. But Olivia wasn't at all concerned about that. Most of her attention was on Sam curled up in the passenger seat. Her condition had rapidly declined again, her headache had returned with a vengeance and only minutes after they had stopped for lunch Olivia had to pull over as Sam vomited all over the side of the road.

Even now Sam clutched at her stomach, brow furrowed tightly. Her moans tore at Olivia, causing her eyes to prickle with unshed tears. Her own head pounded, the tension squeezing without mercy. They needed to stop, that much she knew. The sun had already descended and the sky was almost completely dark. Thankfully it wasn't much longer before she saw a motel, and she immediately stopped.

"I'll be right back," Olivia said softly as she stroked Sam's shoulder. She was inside only a moment, laying down some cash that the clerk took without question. She took the key and drove the car out back in front of the room they were given.

Sam barely reacted when Olivia pulled her out of the car. She was practically dragging her to the door, grunting and heaving. By the time Olivia got her to the bed she was panting, her head throbbing in time to her heartbeat. Sam curled into a ball along the edge of the bed, moans morphing into pitiful whimpers. She was starting to shake.

Olivia kneeled beside the bed, running a hand against her forehead. She was warm to the touch.

"Damn it," Olivia hissed under her breath, covering Sam with the throw at the bottom of the bed since she was already laying on the covers. She stroked Sam's cheek. "Come on, please don't do this."

She tried fruitlessly to get Sam to wake up enough to drink something. Nothing she did worked, and she swore under her breath in frustration. Giving up, she crawled onto the bed next to Sam, trying to soothe her into a more restful sleep. She let the tears fall silently, praying for Sam to improve.

Praying for clarity.

Praying for something.


	27. Chapter 27

Jack paced the impromptu command post they had set up within Olivia's apartment, finally stopping out the window and staring out. Teal'c stood motionless in the corner while Daniel scrubbed his eyes wearily as he sat on the couch. Janet was also there, sitting on the opposite side of the couch as Daniel. It was early morning, the sun would be rising again in just a couple hours. They had traced the rental car purchased, but of course the tracker had been disabled. So they had finally involved the local authorities, their options depleted. A BOLO had been posted on the car, and now they were only waiting for a sighting.

Jack _really_ wanted to hit something.

"You must attempt to remain calm, O'Neill," Teal'c said in a subdued voice. He had moved beside Jack without him noticing.

"I'm trying, T. I really am."

The large man nodded. "It is indeed difficult to achieve."

"No kidding."

"Major Carter is no longer on her own. This should bring you some comfort, as it does I."

Jack sighed. "Small comfort."

"We must accept what little we are afforded."

There was a creaking on the couch as Daniel turned to regard them. "Olivia won't let her do anything stupid."

Jack wanted to point out that she already was doing something stupid. But that wasn't Olivia's fault. She only knew what she was told, whatever that may have been. And it was foolish to think she'd be so quick to betray someone she cared for. If their places were reversed, he wouldn't be so quick to dismiss Sam no matter how messed up she may have seemed. They had been a team long enough to trust each other implicitly.

He'd support her, and he'd damn sure keep her on a short leash. He trusted enough in Olivia to believe she would do the same.

When Jack's cell phone rang, they all jumped except Teal'c, whose head whipped around to stare at the pocket. Jack pulled it out and stared at the incoming number for only an instant, Olivia's phone. He brought it to his ear immediately.

She cut him off before he could say a word. "Tell me I'm doing the right thing."

"Detective?" the shock of having her call had him lost for words.

"I wasn't sure what to do. God, I'm still not sure. I just don't know what else to do."

His blood ran cold, the tone in her voice made it quite clear that it wasn't good. "How is Carter?"

"Even worse than when I found her yesterday, and that wasn't good. She was getting better, then I don't know what the hell happened. She needs help now." Olivia was distraught.

"Where are you?"


	28. Chapter 28

The pain was debilitating. Her eyes watered, blurring her vision. Her entire body ached from the shaking. Sam's mouth was so dry her tongue stuck to the roof. She couldn't think, the pain was so great. It encompassed her entire being. She could barely hear with the blood pounding through her ears.

How long she simply laid there, too consumed to move, Sam had no way to tell. The seconds stretched into their own eternities. She whimpered involuntarily, without even the energy to try and stifle the sound. All she wanted was for it to end.

"Tell me I'm doing the right thing."

Even muffled through the bathroom door Sam heard the words quite clearly. The desperation in them almost equaled the desperation she felt.

"I wasn't sure what to do."

The rest drowned out as Sam's heart began to beat even faster. She had to move, that's all her brain could decipher from the words. Shaky hands pushed her to a sitting position, and the shift in altitude almost caused her to pass out. Panting heavily, Sam tried to gather herself enough to stand.

Sam teetered to the door, barely keeping her wobbling legs beneath her. Somehow she had the presence of mind to take the keys and other items resting on top of the worn nightstand. She opened the door as quietly as possible, staggering out. She leaned heavily against the hood of the car, the world spinning wildly around her. It was a miracle that her groping hand finally found the car door. Sam fell into the seat.

Another small eternity passed as her shaking hand tried to fit the key into the ignition. She almost didn't notice when it finally did go in. When Sam finally started the car, she wasted no time in putting it into gear and peeling out. She saw Olivia rush out, screaming at the top of her lungs as she sped away.

She had no idea where she was, or where she was going, she simply went.


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: Less than 24 hours since my last post, I know. I actually wrote this before I went to bed, which turned out to be a bit of mistake. I think I was starting to feel a bit like the characters here. Anyway, this is for Rach5, (I dedicated this chapter to you, so you have to like me, right? =P )**

Daniel's stomach was twisting into knots as they rode in the helicopter towards the motel. Even though Jack hadn't had his phone on speaker, they had all clearly heard Olivia screaming through the earpiece. Jack had winced in pain and shoved it away from his ear. His blood had just about frozen solid, he had pushed himself up off the couch immediately. If only that had been the end of it. It took Jack precious moments to get her to calm down enough to coherently tell them what had happened. That Sam had taken off.

She had said something at the end, too much distortion in the phones small speaker for him to make it out. It wasn't until Jack had answered that the rest of them had understood the true plight.

The sentence still rang in his head. "She took your gun?"

He was absolutely terrified, and he would have said it to any one that asked. But it didn't need to be said, the others fears ran along the same vein. Janet's face was pale, her dark eyes staring blankly out the window. Teal'c's jaw flexed, the working muscle clearly vibrating through his cheek. Jack sat next to the copilot, rigid as a pole. His right hand was mottled with scratches and fresh bruises.

He had told Olivia to stay put, that they were on their way, that the state police and the locals were all searching for that car. The phone had barely shut when Jack had put his hand through the wall with a sharp yell. He had waved away Janet when she tried to tend to it.

Daniel clutched one hand in the other, nervously worrying the flesh beneath. Sam was growing more volatile, that was more than evident. And now she was armed. What did she plan to do with it? Protection, he hoped to God it was for protection. He couldn't stomach the alternative. Couldn't think of her in a place where she'd even contemplate that option.

It had taken them all of an hour to cross the distance, the sun starting to peak over the horizon. But it may as well have been a week.

Olivia stood barefoot in the parking lot as the helicopter touched down thirty feet away. Jack jumped out as the rails kissed the pavement.

"How the hell did you let that happen?" Jack screamed, to be heard over the engine as it throttled down, and for the sake of yelling.

Teal'c beat Daniel out to race after him.

"I didn't think she could..." Olivia shouted back. her face was streaked with tears. The wind from the rotors disheveled her already mussed hair.

Jack was in her face, causing her to take a step back, pointing with his injured hand. "No, you didn't think! And if you were worth any salt as a detective, if you knew _anything_ about Sam, you wouldn't have underestimated her like that!"

The pain that echoed across her face showed that his words cut Olivia deeper than any knife could ever hope.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c's bark echoed through the air, the engine no longer competing with their fierce yells. Daniel barely paid any attention to the motel clerk staring out the window. The man clearly knew better than to come outside.

The jaffa's thick hand grabbed Jack's shoulder, pulling him back with enough force to cause him to stagger so as not to fall over. He kept a firm grasp.

Jack tried to shrug out of the grip. "Teal'c, let me go!"

But Teal'c didn't relent. By the wince that flashed across Jack's face, Daniel could only assume his grip tightened briefly.

"Recriminations benefit no one." Though he was no longer yelling, Teal'c's words were final.

Olivia's hands clenched into fists, her knuckles going white from the pressure. "It's my fault. You don't think I get that? Believe me, I blame myself more than you possibly could."

"You couldn't have known," Daniel said. But against Jack's outburst, his words of reassurance rang hollow. While logically he knew better, deep down he couldn't help but blame her himself. Whether it actually showed in his words, or if he was merely projecting, he couldn't be sure.

Whichever the case, they clearly brought her no comfort. Teal'c finally allowed Jack to work his way out of his grip. He glared at the jaffa as he smoothed his shirt. Teal'c gave no reaction.

"What was her condition?" Janet demanded, working her way in front of the larger men.

Olivia clasped the back of her neck with both hands, staring up into the sky. Her voice quaked with emotion. "Um. She was spiking a fever. I tried to wake her up to get her some fluids, but she just wouldn't. I didn't think she could roll over, much less..."

She trailed off, but Daniel couldn't be sure if it was because the rest didn't need to be said or she was refusing to defend herself. Jack still eyed her dangerously, but Teal'c's proximity kept his mouth firmly shut.

"When was the last time she ate?" Janet continued.

"Around lunch. But... she threw it up almost immediately. I've barely been able to get her to eat anything."

"You should have called us sooner." Jack's voice was ice cold now. But it only increased their weight.

Olivia's mouth worked momentarily, anger apparent in her own face. But she quickly deflated, her voice a mere whisper. "I wanted to."

"Your position was not an enviable one," Teal'c said. It was not an exoneration, merely acknowledgement that things were not so cut and dried.

Silence descended. Olivia's stare stayed far from Jack's accusing eyes. Daniel shifted awkwardly. Janet stared off into the distance, a frown on her face.

"Sir!" the pilot called from the helicopter. "Locals report spotting the car abandoned on the side of the road twenty miles west. It appears the driver has taken off into the nearby woods."

Jack's head whipped around, his voice curt. "Tell them to hang back. I don't want anyone in those woods but us."

"Yes, sir."

Jack stopped briefly on the way back to the helicopter, the rotors again spinning up to speed. He stopped Olivia with him. Daniel could barely make out his words over the noise.

"Whatever happens now, it's on you."


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: Yeah, O'Neill was quite harsh last chapter. Actually when I had it outlined that spat wasn't even in it, it just came out when I started typing. Felt like it would be his natural reaction to things, lash out and say stuff he'll definitely regret later. Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled program.**

Sam yelped as her foot caught on the scraggly root, sending her sprawling into the detritus of the forest floor. Her heart raced and her body shook violently. She sucked in air in short, rapid breaths, hyperventilating. Tears streaked through the mud plastered to her face. It almost masked the fact that she was bright red beneath.

The voices ran constantly in the back of her head. Loud, vocal, and multiplying. Now it was their sheer number that masked actual words. But the mocking laughter rang loud and clear.

"Shut up," Sam said. Her voice cracked, making her words unintelligible.

With much effort, Sam rolled herself on her hands and knees. She pulled herself to the nearest tree, slowed considerably as her arms kept giving out beneath her. She hugged the base of the wide trunk desperately, unable to do anything for long moments.

Clutching desperately at the bark, Sam pulled her trembling body up until she was standing once more. She couldn't remember which way she had come from, not that it mattered. Now she simply ran to try and get away from the voices that clawed around in her skull. Trying to get them to die down and disappear.

Sam couldn't hold a thought long enough to remember why else she was doing this.

She staggered drunkenly, unable to keep her weary body on a straight path, her pace somewhere between a walk and a jog. Her world shrunk down to nothing more than the debilitating cramping in her gut and the turbulent pain radiating from her skull. Even the growing ache in her limbs couldn't compete for her attention. The only reason she was able to continue at all was that her body was simply continuing what it had been doing.

When her shoulder connected firmly with the narrow tree in front of her, Sam didn't even register the blow. The spinning tumble back to the ground took her by complete surprise. She would have cried out if the landing had not stolen the air from her lungs. For several minutes she was gasping even more desperately for air.

The tears of pain mixed with tears of frustration. There was no way she would be able to get herself up again. She knew that before she even tried. It was all she could do to pull herself into a sitting position against a nearby tree. Her head lolled weakly against the rough bark.

Sam didn't immediately register the protrusion digging solidly into her hip. Her shaking hand slid back, thinking to push herself away from an exposed root. Her fingers recognized the texture immediately, even if her sluggish brain could not. Instinctually, Sam's hand wrapped around the pistol grip, sliding the gun out of her waistband and resting it, hand and all, on her thigh. It trembled with her body.

A small sound of confusion escaped her lips. When had she gotten a gun? She certainly didn't remember grabbing it, much less stuffing it into her jeans. It wasn't her sidearm, she was all too well versed with the feel and weight of a Beretta in her hand. But did it really matter whose it was or where it came from? Sam decided that she didn't care.

She slid back the chamber, hearing the bullet slide in from the magazine. It was loaded. This knowledge comforted her. Sam was in pain. More than she had ever imagined possible. It showed no signs of subsiding. How much longer was she expected to endure it?

It wouldn't kill her, not in the literal sense. None of this was real, after all. But perhaps the imaginary death would buy her some time where she wouldn't have to feel this hellish agony. Perhaps their next try to put her under _would_ kill her, then she'd never have to feel it again. She knew she should be more reluctant to the idea, but she wasn't.

Because all she could think about was making this end.


	31. Chapter 31

When they landed near the abandoned car, Jack ignored the officers standing around. He went immediately to the car, knowing that the others were closely on his heels. Jack peered inside only briefly, there was nothing to be learned from the car itself. Instead, he focused on the surrounding area. Hoping her path would be abundantly clear. But the weather had been very wet, leaving the layers of rotting leaves and fallen twigs especially spongy. He could see nothing definitive.

"Teal'c?" Jack said, hoping the man could see something that he was missing.

"I am unable to tell, O'Neill."

Jack sighed, of course it wouldn't be that easy. It never was. He turned back to the helicopter pilot, waving his hand. "Break out the radios, Captain!"

The captain wasted no time collecting the items from the vehicle and running them over. Jack pulled one out of his arms as he proceeded to pass them around. Olivia hesitated, uncertain if she was welcome on their search. The bud of self-recrimination started to grow as he saw the despair on her face. He had been in the wrong, glaringly so. But they didn't have the time now to sit around mending fences. They needed to find Sam, ASAP.

Jack grabbed another radio and thrusted it into her hands. "All hands on deck."

"What's the plan," Daniel asked.

"Everybody split up. Call in for the rest of us if you find her. Doc, travel light, just grab the essentials."

Janet nodded curtly, stuffing some items from the helicopter into a bag and slinging it over her shoulder. While she did that and returned, Jack pointed the others in their directions, sending them off. He directed Janet, and then took off himself.

He set himself a brisk pace, slowed only enough to be sure he wouldn't miss anything. She couldn't have gotten far, he was confident in that much. One of them would run across her soon. The only real question there was was in what condition would they find her? Olivia's descriptions had been bad enough. Jack wasn't sure what worse could possibly look like.

He was afraid to find out.

Jack thought maybe twenty minutes had passed when he finally skidded to a halt, a noise catching his attention. After listening for several moments he was finally able to identify it. Breathing. Rapid, shallow, gasping breaths. Though he had yet to get a visual, Jack had no doubt it was her. His elation was tempered by his training.

"O'Neill here. I've found her." Jack said into his radio. He made sure to keep his tone low, not wanting to startle her. Especially when he didn't know what she was doing. He didn't say anymore, knowing they would follow his radio signal to find him.

Following the noise of her breathing, Jack quietly made his way forward. Finally he saw her shoulder behind a tree as she sat up against it. It was about all he could see from that angle. He was only about ten yards away now. Jack circled around, keeping the same relative distance, until he was better able to judge the situation.

She was very clearly shaking, unable to stop the trembling in her limbs. Jack frowned to himself. Sam was covered in muck. Caked against her clothes, smeared on her skin. It wasn't hard to piece together that she had fallen. At least once. But he was more concerned with the gun he saw cradled in her lap.

Though it rested on her leg, Sam's hand gripped securely around the handle. She stared down at it in a hauntingly familiar way. Jack pushed aside the memory of those days when he'd sit for hours, just a hairs breadth away from using the pistol clutched in his grasp. The realization of her motives made Jack's muscles tense. It was all he could do to keep his voice low and even.

"You don't want to do that," he said, masking the urgency he felt inside.

Her head snapped up to regard him. But her gaze was dull, the normally blue irises a lifeless gray. Sam's brow was knit in pain, her other arm wrapped around her stomach.

She could barely form words in between each breath. "Go away."

"Not 'go away, sir'?" Jack wanted to make her laugh, crack a smile, something to distract her. She did nothing. And the way she looked, he could hardly be surprised at her lack of interest in his humor. He let his face go serious again. "You know I can't do that."

"Stop that," Sam snapped. Jack's eyes went wide with confusion.

"Stop what?"

Tears slid down her face. She had to pause every few words to catch her breath. "Stop acting... just like I'd... expect you to."

"Carter?" A single brow shot up in a spectacular imitation of Teal'c's signature expression. Just how did she think he should act?

"They should just kill me now."

"They?" Jack frowned, taking a couple steps forward. "They can't do anything else to you, Carter. It's ok."

Sam shook her head gingerly, her words rushed out in the same gasping cadence. "Don't try to make me think that this is real. I'm not falling for it again."

Not real? He wanted to insist that this was very real. But he didn't see his fervent declaration making a dent. "What did they do?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Humor me."

"They're using this... hallucination... whatever... to get information."

He frowned, hoping to get her with her own logic. "So if this is all fake, what happens if you decide to use that thing?"

"They try again."

"Then what's the point?" Jack asked. Inching forward again.

Sam shrugged. "Before it starts again, it'll have to stop for a while, won't it?"

"It really is over, Carter. They drugged you, and it's still in your system, that's all."

"Then why is it getting worse and not better?"

"Let's just say the whole Tok'ra remnant thing is complicating matters. Fraiser can explain it better."

She seemed to lose interest, staring back down at the gun in her hand. Trembling even harder now. Her brow creased even deeper. "I didn't know anything could hurt this much."

"Sam," Jack said, the plea evident in his tone. They were no more than six feet apart now. "You know that we'd never give up on you. And Hammond wouldn't either. What if you're wrong? What if this really does kill you? Give us the chance to help you."

There was only the sound of her ragged breathing as she seemed to consider his words. He thought he had finally gotten through to her. Sam bit her lip.

"I'm sorry, sir."

Despite her shaking, he saw the muscles in her arm start to contract, lifting. Jack sprang forward, screaming. "Sam!"

The gunshot echoed obscenely.


	32. Chapter 32

**AN: Yes, it was very cruel. But it would also be just plain bad form if I didn't ;) However, I do realize the tension, and I'm not one to put such an evil cliffhanger and leave you hanging for very long. Now THAT would be bad form indeed!**

Olivia froze when she heard the shout. It was blood curdling, and raw to the point where she almost couldn't quite tell what he had said. Close by- for she was already on her way to his position, as no doubt were the others - but still too far away. Jack's cry was punctuated heavily by the gun's discharge.

Olivia's mouth went dry.

"No," she said in a hoarse whisper. She couldn't believe it. Not like this, she thought desperately. Olivia ran as fast as her legs could move, following the sound of the gunshot that still rang in her ears.

She could have been no more than a hundred yards away, but the seconds felt interminable. Dark thoughts swam in her head, telling her that she was already too late. Olivia didn't notice that she had started crying.

As she darted around the trees Olivia finally saw them ahead. Jack was kneeling over Sam's prone figure.

"Damn it, Major, breathe!" Jack began chest compressions.

Blood. Spattered against the nearby trees, the ground. Olivia slid to a stop beside him on her knees. The blood covered the two in equal parts, staining face, clothes, and hands. Olivia's own hands trembled as she started to search Sam for the wound. She only got more frantic when she couldn't find anything.

"She wasn't hit," Jack said. Olivia didn't stop though, her brain not recognizing that she was being spoken to.

This time he grabbed her wrists, and Olivia looked up at him incredulously. His voice was more firm. "She wasn't hit."

She could only blink in confusion. There was blood everywhere, how could she not have been hit? Finally she saw it, the hole in his jacket, the blood still oozing out. It had entered by his right shoulder, just below the clavicle by the looks.

"But Sam..." Olivia stammered out the words and stopped there.

"She stopped breathing," Jack said by way of explanation. Ignoring his injured shoulder, he clasped his hands and continued CPR. When Olivia just continued to kneel there, he spoke again. "Detective, help me out here!"

Olivia shook out of her fugue, quickly skittering to Sam's head. She tilted her head back to open the airway, making sure it was clear. When Jack stopped his rounds of compressions, she gave the requisite breaths. In between Olivia desperately searched Sam for signs of life, proof she was breathing of her own accord, and a pulse. Her chest tightened further each time she could find neither.

"Jack!" Daniel called as he crashed through the brush.

Jack wasted no time with a preamble. "Get me an ETA on Fraiser."

Olivia saw the terror in his eyes, but Daniel wasted no time in calling her over the radio.

"Janet, how far out are you?" Daniel called into the radio.

Janet's response was in gasps, clearly not having stopped to answer. Olivia could hear the deep worry. "I'm almost there. What happened?"

"She didn't get hit, she just stopped breathing on me," Jack explained. Daniel relayed the information to the doctor.

They still performed CPR. How long had it been now, Olivia wondered?

"God, Jack, that looks bad," Daniel said, staring at his wound. "Let me take over."

Daniel started to lean down to take his position, but Jack edged him out. "I've got it."

She saw Daniel's protest die on his lips. He knew it was pointless to try.

Olivia leaned down again, placing her cheek next to Sam's mouth. She barely felt the tickle of air against her clammy skin. Adrenaline shot through her.

"I've got something," she told them as she began to search for a pulse. It took her several tries to find it, but she finally did. The faintest flutter against her trembling fingers. "Got a pulse."

"Oh thank God," Daniel sighed. Jack sagged back, sitting on his legs.

Olivia stroked Sam's cheek, unable to make herself break contact. She let out a short sob of utter relief.

"Colonel?" Janet called out. Olivia could hear her rapid strides nearby.

"Over here!" Daniel responded.

Both the doctor and Teal'c appeared at the same time. She eyed Jack as she came to a stop, focusing on the shoulder.

"I'm fine," he said.

She looked less than convinced. Teal'c stepped forward, helping Jack up by his good arm. "I shall attend to him."

Satisfied, Janet quickly dropped down next to Olivia. She quickly went about checking Sam's pulse and respiration for herself. Daniel gently pulled Olivia up, and she reluctantly let him. As much as she didn't want to move, she knew she was just in Janet's way. Standing now, Olivia watched the doctor's methodical movements, jaw set tight as she shoved aside all emotion and focused solely on her duty.

"How bad is it, doc?" Jack asked, wincing as Teal'c applied the compression bandage to his now exposed wound.

Janet pulled out the Ambu-bag. She placed the mask over Sam's face as she spoke. "She's not getting nearly enough oxygen on her own." Janet secured the mask and began to squeeze the bag. "I need someone."

Olivia stepped forward immediately. Janet gestured to the bag, which she was squeezing every few seconds. "Squeeze it like this, about every five seconds."

Doing as she was instructed, Olivia watched as Janet inserted an IV into Sam's arm. She raised the IV bag towards Daniel, who quickly grabbed it.

Janet unfolded the collapsible stretcher, the bulkiest piece of her arsenal. "Teal'c, take her shoulders."

The large man was crouching at Sam's head in a moment. Janet quickly positioned herself at Sam's legs after laying the stretcher beside her. Both took a secure hold.

"On three. One. Two. Three."

They placed Sam as gently as possible. Janet took the IV from Daniel, and he and Teal'c grabbed both ends of the stretcher. Olivia rose fluidly with them, still squeezing the bag.

Janet looked over at Jack, holding his bandage in place with his left hand. "I can't do anything else for her here. We need to get Sam to a hospital now."

Olivia didn't hear a word as Jack radioed the helicopter, apprising the pilot of the situation. Her entire focus was on Sam. Making sure the mask stayed secure, gazing intently at her face. Underneath the blood and grime she was now very pale. Their slow pace made her heart sink. But they just had to get to the road, where it was clear enough for the helicopter to land. They didn't actually have to backtrack all the way to where they started. Which would cut the time considerably. Olivia hoped it would be enough.

It was less than ten minutes before they cleared out of the forest. The helicopter hovered close by. Upon seeing them, it quickly set down. They set Sam inside, a tight squeeze. Olivia looked up as the doctor hesitated, barely inside.

Janet eyed Daniel and Teal'c sympathetically. "We don't have room for everyone."

Daniel frowned, but responded almost immediately. "Go."

Jack slid in the seat beside the pilot, and the helicopter took off.


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: half a league, half a league, half a league onward... Don't ask me where the light brigade came from. But here's another chapter in any case.**

Jack tried to shove the medic aside who was stitching up his wound. It was a through-and-through, which simplified matters greatly. It even managed to miss the bone. But the man still did not back down.

"I need to stitch this up, sir," the man said shortly.

"No, _I_ need to go check on the major."

But he would not win this one. The medic, and a small group of others, had come from the base with Janet. And Jack knew for a fact that they feared the small woman's ire far more than anything he could even think to threaten. The man simply glared at him until Jack settled down again. "Just hurry up, for crying out loud."

As soon as the last bit of tape was applied to the bandage, sling already in place, Jack got up. The mild dizziness at standing up went completely ignored. He rushed out of the room still wearing the same shirt he had been shot in. The area around his shoulder hung in tatters, cut apart to gain access to the injury. Between that and the drying blood on it, it made for a gruesome sight to behold. Jack couldn't care less though, and the thought of wasting any time changing didn't even cross his mind.

He rushed down the hallway, the entire floor of the hospital having been occupied by Air Force personnel. Jack eyed the heavy doors behind which Janet worked with her trusted team. After staring longingly for a few moments, wanting nothing more than to crash through and be there himself, he turned left and entered the waiting room.

The others looked up from their various internal conflicts at his presence.

"Anything?" Jack asked hopefully.

Daniel shook his head.

"Is this not where the Tau'ri would use the saying 'no news is good news'?"

Jack shook his head sullenly. "You know how I feel about cliches, Teal'c. But nice try."

Teal'c gave a slight nod of his head.

Silence descended, and Jack took in the occupants of the room. They all looked like they hadn't slept in a week, which really wasn't that far from the truth. Even Teal'c looked rough around the edges. Daniel and Olivia both sat, a couple of chairs between them. Daniel was leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, while Olivia curled up in the plastic seat, hugging her legs against her body. Teal'c stood in front of the two, as if to guard them against whatever news might come through that door.

Despite his imposing stance, Jack doubted that the jaffa could succeed in that task.

The lingering effects of shock and blood loss had Jack less than steady on his feet. He sat down, on the opposite side of the room. Right now he needed space, both physically and mentally, between him and the others. The scene kept replaying in his head. Sam staring at the gun. She had been willing to use it. Jack shook his head sullenly. No, to say she was willing was too tame, she _had_ used it. And it was only extreme luck that she hadn't succeeded.

He couldn't help but wonder what he could have said differently. If he had simply picked different words, would Sam have changed her mind? It was hard for him to think that if she had been steadier, or if he had been just one instant slower, she would already be dead. Jack had failed her so many times on this. He couldn't protect her from Talquin on the planet. He couldn't figure out just how disturbed she was when they got back. He couldn't even talk her down from the precipice. He just kept failing her. And, with a brief glance over at Olivia, Same wasn't the only one he had failed.

Daniel sat down heavily beside him, and Jack barely contained a sigh at the unwanted intrusion. Both stared at the floor in front of them.

"How's the shoulder?" Daniel asked, clearly trying to start up a conversation.

Jack answered with a disinterested grunt.

Daniel sat back in the chair. He was tentative. "What happened before..."

"Before Carter tried to shoot herself, you mean?" Jack said when Daniel trailed off. "What happened is I screwed up."

"Jack. You can't..."

"I could have just snuck up on her, grabbed the gun before she even knew I was there." But he had opted out of that choice. Maybe that was where he really had went wrong.

"You can't know that that wouldn't have just ended up worse. You did everything you could, Jack."

"And she still tried to do it," Jack pointed out.

Daniel frowned, clearly as unsettled by that fact as he was. "She wasn't thinking clearly."

"No," Jack said in agreement. That much he could agree with. "No she wasn't. She thought this all... thinks that this is fake."

He winced at his own slip in tense. Sam was not dead yet.

"Fake," Daniel echoed, wrapping his head around it.

Jack frowned. "She called it a hallucination. And said that she wouldn't get fooled again."

Daniel didn't immediately respond. Jack was thinking back to Sam's words. These hallucinations, they had clearly happened more than once. He wondered how many times they had tried in that span of days, and just what did they consist of?

"She didn't call me 'sir'."

"Really?" Daniel said with legitimate surprise at the statement. It was so completely un-Sam-like.

"Well, she did once." He let the sentence hang, but it wasn't a long pause before Daniel grasped its meaning. Jack sighed.

"Oh," was all the other man managed to choke out.

Jack didn't want to talk about it anymore, think about it anymore. He eyed the doorway anxiously.

"Come on, doc."


	34. Chapter 34

**AN: I only have five more chapters outlined at the moment, so I'm not sure how many more after that this story will have. The other day, I came up with a new story to write when I finish this one. A good ol' fashioned mission-based story (not part of this series) , complete with those naughty Goa'uld we love to hate. Though, I'm falling in love with the character so much that it may turn into a series of its own.**

Janet wiped a stray lock of hair from her face. She looked down at the chart in her hand, redundant because she had never strayed very far from Sam's side. Even now she was standing just outside the room that held the other woman. But already knowing what she was going to read only added to her frustration. Janet and her team had been running wildly for almost six hours now, desperately trying to keep Sam's vitals within acceptable levels. Even the ventilator was only able to do so much.

Sam's respiration and heart rate were jumping all over the place. It was only just after they had arrived at the hospital and her staff from base had edged Olivia out that Sam's vitals had spiked. Going from one extreme to the other in little more than a blink. And it seemed as soon as they'd get her somewhat stabilized that it would happen all over again.

Fortunately, the woman was spending more and more time hovering around normal levels, and less at those wild extremes. The peaks were also slowly becoming less pronounced. It was only mildly comforting news to Janet. They were still dangerous.

Janet glanced over at the door that led towards the waiting room. She could only imagine what the others were feeling right now. It really was time to give them some sort of update. Janet just wished that she had better news. While Sam was indeed improving, it was happening very slowly. Cautious optimism was still a little too strong a phrase for what she was feeling.

Sighing, she forced herself to head to the waiting room. Sam had been 'stable' for the better part of an hour now, so there really was no excuse to leave them in the dark any longer.

By the time she had crossed the threshold into the waiting room all eyes were on her. She heard the skid of chair legs as those who were seated got up. While she had come to expect this reaction in her profession, she would never get used to it. Because the events that led up to it were never good, and she couldn't always give good news after.

They searched her for clues of what she might say. Janet started with the best news she had, something she knew they needed to hear her say. "She's alive."

All reacted to her words, even Teal'c lowered his head in obvious relief. Jack was the one picked up on the hesitance in her tone.

"I hear an awfully big 'but' in there."

"Sam's vitals have been going all over the place. Only recently have they started to settle down, but not as quickly or as much as I'd like to see."

Daniel broke in. "But she _is_ getting better, right?"

_For now,_ she thought bleakly. However what came out of her mouth was more tactful. "At the moment, but there's no guarantee that this trend will continue."

Janet looked over at Olivia, who had yet to say a word. Her features were drawn tight, arms wrapped across her chest. Olivia stood apart from the others. Janet wasn't sure how much of that was the woman's doing. She remembered Jack's stinging words vividly, Janet having been mortified on Olivia's behalf. It was foolish to think Olivia would forget them so quickly.

She wanted to give the man a piece of her own mind, but it wasn't the time for that.

"May we see Major Carter?" Teal'c said, bringing Janet back to the moment. Olivia perked up, pleading desperately with her eyes.

Janet bit her lip. It hurt to deny them. "I'm sorry, it's just too hectic in there still. I want to be sure she's going to remain stable before I'll let anyone in there. I'll let you know the moment she can have visitors."

"Doc," Jack said before she could move. She hated to see him look so helpless, it did not suit the Colonel one bit. "What are her chances?"

Janet hesitated, hoping she could have avoided that uncomfortable question entirely. Unfortunately, her silence spoke volumes. She watched on as he deflated even more. Daniel was chewing his lip nervously. Teal'c appeared neutral, but Janet knew that was because he was putting so much energy into holding the impassive expression. Most of the color had washed out of Olivia's face. Janet was trying desperately to think of something to say when Jack spoke again.

"What if we had found her sooner?"

Janet shook her head. She just didn't know enough about what she was dealing with to say anything with much confidence. "I really don't know, Colonel."


	35. Chapter 35

**AN: Sorry it took so long to update. I needed to take a couple days off from writing. And then this one just took a while for me to finish. But here it is, and a fairly long one to boot.**

Somehow Olivia had managed to fall into a fitful doze, the terse hours of waiting and events from the last several days finally coming to a head. But it didn't last, Olivia jerked awake suddenly. Blinking, at first she wasn't sure what had pulled her sharply back to consciousness.

The others were on their feet, staring intently at the door. She saw somone race by the small windows in a blur. And she could hear at least a couple more people coming. Too stunned to react, she could only watch as Jack burst out of the room, grabbing one of the approaching medics.

"What's going on?" She heard him demand.

The man extricated himself from Jack's one-handed grasp. "I have to go, sir."

"For crying out loud, throw me a bone!" Jack called angrily. The man did not respond as he disappeared through the other door.

"What's happening?" Daniel asked as Jack came back in. He let the door slam heavily against the wall.

"How the hell should I know? Nothing good, that's for sure."

Olivia was standing now, not sure what else to do with herself. They were all perfectly aware that something was going on with Sam, all they didn't know were the details. It was impossible for her to stand still. Nervous energy had Olivia pacing in the corners, the excess causing her to tremble as it seemed to leak from her very pores. The others were equally consumed by their own worry.

Olivia kept looking over to the door, waiting for someone to come through.

She lost track of time almost immediately. The numbers on the clock lost all meaning. It could have been five minutes or five hours, or anything in between, and she wouldn't have been the wiser.

"She's ok," Daniel said, breaking the silence. His voice had no conviction. For a moment they all stared at him, but no one responded. Olivia wanted to believe what he said, wished that she could, but all she could see was the worst. Her stomach was in knots.

The sound of a door opening in the hallway had everyone tense even more than they already were. Olivia's hands clenched into fists at her side. Seconds dragged on as they waited for someone to appear. As they stretched longer and longer, Olivia started to believe it was a false alarm.

When the familiar mess of red hair approached the small windows of the door, Olivia froze. Her heart seemed to stop and her lungs refused to work. Now that someone was actually there to give them news, she was no longer certain that she wanted to hear it.

But it was too late to run away. Olivia could only watch on helplessly as the petit woman entered the room. Unfortunately, the doctor's expression held no clue as to what words were going to come from her. Janet's gaze fell on each of them briefly.

"Doc?" Jack prompted.

She didn't immediately respond. Daniel's voice pleaded for answers. "Janet?"

Olivia bit her lip.

"Sam went into cardiac arrest," Janet began.

"No," Olivia little more than mouthed the word. Janet was looking at her, and she saw the doctor's professional facade begin to crack. Janet quickly looked away to Jack, but the damage had already been done. Her eyes grew bright with unshed tears.

"We couldn't get her heart started again. I..." Janet couldn't finish.

"Oh, God," Daniel choked out.

"No," Olivia repeated, only slightly louder than the first time. She started shaking. Unsteady legs tried to back her away, as though distance could somehow protect her. Olivia staggered as she knocked against the corner of a chair, and came to an abrupt halt as she reached the wall. A string of 'nos' escaped her mouth as she slid bonelessly to the floor.

"Olivia?" Daniel said as he came over.

Tears slid down her face. When Daniel touched her shoulder, Olivia screamed.

"Olivia!" Daniel shook her and her eyes snapped open. Olivia's eyes prickled with the tears that streaked down her face. She gasped for breath, her heart going at what felt like a thousand beats per minute. Olivia choked back a heavy sob. His voice softened. "Olivia, wake up. You were having a nightmare."

It took her a moment to understand him. "Sam?"

"Still no change," Jack said. He and Teal'c stood nearby, visibly concerned, as was Daniel.

Olivia started crying again in relief. "Oh, thank God."

"Olivia Benson, are you injured?" Teal'c asked.

She didn't notice the sore spots until he asked, and realized that she had managed to fall out of the chair she had been sleeping in. Still, it was nothing serious. "I'm ok."

But now she was self-conscious of her tears, quickly swabbing them back. Knowing that she was reacting that way to a dream made her feel foolish. She stood quickly. Olivia looked up at the clock on the wall in an attempt to distract herself. It was now three in the morning, nearly a full day had passed since they found Sam. Janet came out every now and then, but had had little to say. Sam's vitals were remaining in acceptable levels, so at least the news was on the positive side.

Olivia had meekly accepted a cup of water that Teal'c had gotten for her when Janet entered the waiting room once more. She spoke before they could worry about the news.

"Since I know none of you will be able to get anything resembling real rest until you see Sam, I'll let you go in now."

Unable to clap his own hands together, Jack settled for slapping Teal'c's shoulder enthusiastically. "'Bout time, doc."

"Only for a few minutes," Janet quickly added. "I don't need you getting underfoot of my people."

Jack raised one arm in surrender. They all followed the doctor anxiously. Olivia ducked around the others when they entered the commandeered ICU room. No one spoke for a while as they took in Sam's condition.

She had been cleaned up, which served to highlight her palor against the sheets. The physical toll was plainly evident. Sunken features from not eating, dark circles from fatigue. Everything combined with the IVs and oxygen mask made Sam look every bit as sick as she was.

Teal'c acted first, stepping foward. He reached out with his right hand, his fingertips barely grazing against Sam's forhead. Olivia watched his head tilt down. He whispered something under his breath. Olivia could only make out enough to be fairly sure it wasn't English. Reverently, he pulled his hand away, moving off to the side.

Jack scratched at the back of his head awkwardly as he stepped forward. Unsure, he finally settled on clasping her shoulder. He sighed. "C'mon, Carter."

He patted her shoulder a couple times, clearly hesitant to move. Finally, reluctantly, he did.

Daniel didn't speak. He simply grabbed one of Sam's hand in both of his. Olivia could see him fighting against the emotions within.

Olivia hesitated. She would have been the first one forward, needing to touch Sam herself to dispel the remnants of that awful dream, but she didn't know how she could possibly leave after. After all the waiting, Olivia couldn't fathom putting walls in between them again. So she stood where she was, staring at Sam, conflicted.

"Doc..." Jack began, about to ask for something. Olivia wasn't really listening.

Janet shook her head. "I already told you, Colonel."

"But one person wouldn't get in the way _that_ much, would they?"

Olivia didn't see him nod in her direction. Nor did she see Janet's responding frown. They both could see the emotions playing on the edges of her face. She remained oblivious.

Janet was only slightly hesitant. "All right, one person can stay."

Olivia started when Jack touched her shoulder. She stared at him in confusion.

"Keep an eye on her for us, ok?" he said.

She couldn't fathom why he'd want her to do that. Hadn't she failed once already? But Olivia was too stunned to put her doubts into words.

Jack smiled tightly in response. What was that she saw? Guilt? Quickly masked by that weird O'Neill humor she was starting to get used to. "I manage to wheedle this deal out of the doc here, and you're just going to stare at me like I grew a second head?" He made a play at searching his ruined shirt. "Do I really need to sew a patch that says 'colonel' on this thing before anyone starts taking me seriously?"

"But..." Olivia began, and then quickly shut her mouth. She only just realized that winning this discussion wasn't in her best interest. The last thing she wanted was to lose this opportunity he was very squarely laying in her lap. Olivia could question motives all she wanted to afterwards.

Seeing that he had finally won, Jack nodded in approval. "Good girl."

Janet cleared her throat.

Jack looked down at his wrist. "Oh, my, look at the time. We really had best be going."

She watched them file out-knowing that, despite the bluster, it was at least as hard for them to do as it would be for her. And she found herself understanding his decision even less. He had read her, saw exactly what she needed, and given it to her. Olivia didn't feel she deserved the kindness.

"I'll go see if I can find you a chair that can be called vaguely comfortable," Janet said before she left.

Olivia came back into the moment. She turned back to Sam, nearly unable to move now that the moment had come. Her legs felt like lead as she forced herself to slowly move forward. When she was next to the bed, her hand paused midway out towards Sam. Sucking in a shakey breath, Olivia took Sam's wrist.

She felt the warmth radiating softly from Sam's skin. She saw the gentle rise and fall of Sam's chest. It hit her harder than she could have imagined. The air rushed out of her lungs as though she had been sucker punched. Olivia's eyes burned. When she finally managed to suck in a breath, she let out a gut wrenching sob.

A small part of her brain was still capable of being relieved not to have an audience for her display. And now that she had started, Olivia couldn't make herself stop. She bent over, still clutching Sam's wrist, her short hair brushing against Sam's arm as she rested her head against the mattress. Her sobs had gone silent, but her body still shook with each one. So completely overwhelmed, Olivia had no idea what she was feeling.

She barely notices Janet's presence, placing a chair behind her shaking legs and guiding her into it. The doctor disappeared just as quietly.


	36. Chapter 36

**AN: I'm sorry that the updates aren't coming as regularly. My ADD tendencies are showing through as my muse runs off to other things. Trying to keep her under control until I get this thing wrapped up.**

There was a sense of heaviness. A general feeling of discomfort. She could define neither more clearly. Nor did she have any desire to. For with these, there was fatigue. All-encompassing. Soul deep. Nothing mattered in comparison. She wanted nothing more than to sink back into the emptiness of unconsciousness, but these sensations wouldn't allow it. They pulled her further and further from its safety, making the heaviness grow, her entire body battered by a deep ache.

She couldn't even be bothered to vocalize the pain.

Sam laid there, merely existing. She had no idea how long she stayed there. Really, she didn't care. Maybe everything could stay insignificant forever. While she was certain of very little at that moment, she knew that that would be desirable.

A soft breathing nearby steadily shattered her bubble of insignificance. Her mind grasped desperately at the pieces, but it was gone. In its place came flashes, bits and pieces of events that she couldn't string together into a coherent timeline. Sam vaguely remembered a motel, but everything after was a complete blur.

Like the rest of her, Sam's eyelids felt heavy. Now that she knew there was someone nearby, she had to see who it was, as well as where she was. It took considerable effort to open her eyes. The light overhead was blinding, and had to wait for them to adjust. Sam just blinked up at the ceiling while she waited.

When the light no longer stung her eyes she tilted her head to gaze at the form beside her. Olivia's hair obscured her face as it rested against the edge of the mattress. One of her arms draped around her head while the other laid on top of Sam's own arm. Sam had no idea what she thought or felt. Everything was too fresh, and her mind too foggy, to even begin to ponder those questions. She was relieved to see that Olivia was still fast asleep.

The faintest movement at the corner of her eye made Sam look over. She saw Jack standing next to the doorway, leaning against the corner. Even though he was studying her intently, Sam could see the same bone-weariness in his eyes that she felt in her body. A fresh shirt hid the bandage, but she saw the sling. She couldn't remember him being injured.

But at that moment she did remember him screaming her name at the top of his lungs.

While she still couldn't place it into context, just recalling the sound in her head made her chest tighten uncomfortably. Sam knew that it was the herald of something terrible. Not knowing exactly what didn't make it any easier. It was getting harder to look at him. Sam felt her heavy eyes filling with tears. She shut them tightly, but could still feel the wetness sliding across her cheek.

Eyes still closed, Sam turned her head the other way. Emotions sapped what little energy she had. She felt herself drifting off as a muffled gasp escaped her mouth.


	37. Chapter 37

Teal'c stepped out of the emergency entrance of the hospital. The morning sun, approaching the apex of its travel, shone brightly into his eyes. His gaze arced across the small plot tended outside, a small stretch of grass broken up by a couple trees. It took him no time to see Jack standing on the cedar chips around one of the trees, leaning against the rough bark. The large man quickly crossed the distance, a grace in his stride that few of his size could claim.

Olivia had come to him, worried. She had described how she was woken up by a noise. Sam had been once again unconscious, and when she noticed Jack standing in the doorway his look had been difficult to gauge. He had taken off as she started to ask what had happened, and the suddenness of his departure had caused her much concern.

_I don't think that he'd really want to talk to me. Plus, I'm still pretty much a stranger to you guys._ Teal'c recalled the pain in her eyes as she had spoken. He had quickly assured Olivia that he would make sure that Jack was well.

"You are troubled, O'Neill," Teal'c said. Even without Olivia's description, his brow was knitted in an expression of deep contemplation.

"I'm fine, T."

He let the silence carry his disbelief. After several moments, Jack let out a weary sigh.

"Olivia Benson was most concerned when you left so abruptly."

"Yeah," Jack said quietly. The syllable was laden with guilt. Teal'c was content to let the silence hang until Jack continued. It lingered for some time before Jack turned his head to look at Teal'c. "I just needed to get out of there, you know?"

Teal'c gave a small nod of understanding. It was difficult on them all.

"Carter'll really kick my ass when she hears what I did, huh?" Jack laughed weakly at his own words. Despite this, Teal'c knew he spoke with complete sincerity. He didn't need elaboration to know that Jack referred to the way he had spoken to Olivia back at the motel.

"This is indeed a situation where rank will not save you, O'Neill."

"When has it really?"

Teal'c's head cocked to the side slightly, acceding the point. Sam had certainly never been afraid to let him know when he was in the wrong before, stretching the lines of rank to their absolute limit until they were nothing more than a threadbare barrier between them, affording only the mere illusion of protection. Even Teal'c wasn't sure how she was able to manage this feat so effortlessly.

Jack looked away at the nearby traffic. "I shouldn't have done it."

"Your actions were understandable," Teal'c replied in a neutral tone. But understanding them did not mean condoning them. His tone made that perfectly clear.

"No excuse," Jack said.

"It is not," Teal'c agreed.

"I didn't mean any of it. Not really."

Teal'c nodded, knowing the other man could see the gesture in the corner of his eye. "I am aware of this. However, I am not the one who needs to hear these words."

"Yeah." Jack sighed yet again. "I know."


	38. Chapter 38

**AN: Chapter ho. Might have another one to post tonight... we'll see how it goes. No reviews in a while. *peers into the screen* Is anyone still reading this?**

Daniel took his turn watching over Sam. Janet wouldn't let them all in at the same time, as much to keep them all out of her way as to do what she could to force them to do basic things like sleep and eat. He wasn't sure how successful her edict was, his own sleep had been fitful and he had only managed to pick at the food he had gotten in the cafeteria. He couldn't even remember what he had scooped onto the plate.

Sam had regained some color, though the improvement was rather marginal. Physically, she didn't appear much better than when they had found her. But Daniel still felt the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Because she had opened her eyes. Briefly, yes. It was still a clear sign of improvement. One he refused to dismiss. Instead, he embraced it fully. Sam was getting better, and she would continue to do so.

And as if to punctuate his point he heard a soft moan. More an exhale of air than any real sound. Daniel stood up, watching Sam's face intently. For several minutes there was nothing but the occasional moan, each a little stronger than the last, and a slight furrowing of her brow. Daniel his hand around her own. Her fingers squeezed around it briefly.

"That's it, Sam," Daniel encouraged gently. "Open your eyes, ok?"

When her lids slowly opened, Daniel's smile became full and genuine.

"Hey there," he greeted in a soft tone.

Sam blinked slowly, her gaze unfocused. He let her gain her bearings. Finally she was looking at him rather than through him.

"Daniel," she croaked. Her voice was cracked and hoarse.

"Hold on." Daniel filled a small cup from a nearby pitcher. With one hand he raised her head slightly, guiding the straw to her lips. Sam took a small sip before pulling away. He lowered her head back to the pillow and set aside the cup.

She closed her eyes and Daniel was afraid she had already fallen unconscious again. But she soon spoke again, her voice a little clearer. "Where are we?"

"Still in New York," Daniel replied. He didn't know if she cared which town, and to his chagrin he couldn't rightly say. His mind had been too occupied to absorb such mundane information.

Her eyes opened again, but she stared straight up at the ceiling. The gears were clearly turning behind her eyes. She frowned.

"Sam?"

"What did I do?"

Uncomfortable, Daniel bit his lip briefly. And he stalled. "What do you remember?"

"I'm not sure. It's all jumbled." Sam paused, seeming to pour over the images in her head. "Driving. Olivia was... No, I was? I can't... I can't..."

A hand slid up to her forehead, gripping against the pain blossoming there. She grew more and more frantic, and Daniel looked on helplessly as he watched her pulse rise, plainly displayed on the monitors. He took her shoulder.

"It's ok, Sam. Calm down. You need to give it time." He tried his best to comfort her.

Sam took several shaky breaths. Her pulse evened out, sending a wave of relief through Daniel, but she was still clearly unsettled. Sam bit her lip before she spoke again.

"It's all real, isn't it?"

Daniel nodded slowly, taking a breath of his own. "It is, Sam. They gave you some pretty powerful drugs, but they're working out of your system. But you _are_ home now."

He hoped she believed his words. If it would help, he'd tell her a hundred more times.

"I couldn't really think," Sam said.

"You were drugged," Daniel replied. "No one blames you for what you did."

His words seemed to spark some memory in her. "The Colonel was here earlier, wasn't he?"

"Yeah," Daniel said. "You woke up briefly. You remember that?"

Sam shook her head. "Not really. But... He was wearing a sling." She was trying very hard to remember. "When did he get hurt?"

And they were back to the topic Daniel wanted so desperately to forget about. Just what the hell should he say? He wasn't about to lie to her, and not just because she'd probably remember in time. She'd find out eventually, one way or another, and he knew forgiveness for that kind of deceit would be hard to attain.

Unfortunately, his indecision spoke volumes to her. "I did that?"

"It's not that bad," Daniel said quickly. "The bullet missed everything."

Sam's eyes widened. "Bullet? I _shot_ him?"

He mentally kicked himself. Wasn't he supposed to be the tactful one among them? Where was his mastery of language now?

Daniel took her hand again. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't mean to."

But she was fighting tears now. With great effort, Sam rolled on her side. Away from him. His hand withdrew reluctantly.

"Sam?" he said.

Her voice was quiet. "I'm tired."

Daniel wanted to protest. However, he also knew what a mistake that would be. Now was not the time to push her. He sighed weakly, but he refused to go silently. Daniel poured every ounce of conviction into his words.

"It's _not_ your fault."


	39. Chapter 39

**AN: The last few days I got caught up with reading old stories, so I didn't end up doing any writing. And then when tackling this chapter I was having a hard time deciding whose perspective I should do it from, so I kind of put it off a little more. My muse is SOOO ready for me to start something else. Makes it kind of hard for me to concentrate and tie this thing up.**

Jack gave a weary sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. Discomfort filled his veins. As awkward as this sort of situation was to him in the first place, that was not where most of the discomfort lay. Mostly he was upset with himself that it was necessary in the first place. It certainly wasn't the first time he cursed the filter lacking between his brain and his mouth.

And, knowing himself as he did, it certainly wouldn't be the last.

Olivia stood in the waiting room, stretching out the kinks that her cramped position had brought. He could sympathize with her wholly. How many times had he fallen asleep in a cheap plastic chair and awoken stiff and miserable? Jack had long since lost count.

She still did not notice his presence just outside the room, turning her neck slowly. He could hear the pop from where he stood. Jack winced.

"Ouch," he said as he stepped into the room, drawing Olivia's attention. Jack gave a weak smile of sympathy. She was apprehensive, biting her lip absently. He wondered what Olivia was debating on saying.

She finally mustered her courage, but her voice was still tentative. "Are you all right?"

The look on her face pained him. Clearly she feared she was crossing a line. Olivia's gaze fell to the floor, as though she was steeling herself for another onslaught of his wrath.

_Way to go, Jack._

"No, actually..." Jack rubbed his hand through his hair. They still stood on opposite sides of the room from each other. Jack took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Her head snapped up so quickly Jack feared it'd give another loud pop. Olivia's eyes were wide with confusion. She just looked at him for a while, shocked.

"Why?" she asked.

Jack was taken aback by the question, repeating the word dubiously. "Why?"

Olivia frowned. "You didn't say anything that wasn't true."

"Ah, hell." Jack sighed the words. He fixed her a serious stare. "None of what I said was true."

Though clearly surprised by his words, it was also clear that she did not believe them in the slightest. She shook her head slowly, silent for a moment.

"It was my fault," she countered. Olivia turned away to stare at the wall. Jack could only stare at her back as she continued in little more than a whisper. "I should have known better."

"You _couldn't_ have known." Jack took several steps forward, but stopped far short of her. He was unsure whether he should close the gap between them, or if it would be better to let her keep that space.

She didn't answer, and Jack could hear her suck in a shaky breath. He knew that if she were to turn around he'd see the tears beginning to well.

"You did your best to protect her. Lord knows what she might have done without you. In your place none of us could have hoped to do any better."

Olivia did turn then, and the reality of those tears hit him like a ton of bricks. "You're just saying that."

Jack shook his head. "Ask Carter. Hell, ask anyone. I don't 'just say' anything. There are a choice few people that I'd trust my team with, my life with. You're one of them."

Olivia's gaze flitted towards the door, nodding in Sam's general direction. Pointing out her perceived failure. "How can you say that?"

"Look, Olivia," Jack began, her first name rolled off his tongue without conscious thought, "I learned all I ever needed to know about you back on that ship."

"I didn't do anything," she said lamely.

"You got us out."

Olivia disagreed. "Sam did that."

"Not without your help," Jack said with a small, sincere smile. "We couldn't have broken out without you. You just keep getting pulled into these messed up situations and surprising everyone. In a good way."

Her expression softened a bit at his compliment. Jack was relieved that Olivia was willing to believe he meant his words. He feared she'd hang onto her position with an iron grip. It wasn't to say that the situation was fixed and all her guilt had melted away. But at least she was considering the idea seriously.

"You know, if you ever get tired of the whole police thing..."


	40. Chapter 40

**AN: A few more chapters to go, I'm not sure exactly how many. Trying to hash out the next story I want to write. It's not the same one I was thinking a little while ago. But who knows, I could easily change my mind again. Could do the sequel to this, a couple other stories, or the prequel to Xel'naga has popped up in my mind again. Unfortunately I have long since lost all my notes for that story, so I'd pretty much have to figure that all out from scratch. *Sigh***

Olivia sat in the chair, pouring over Jack's recent words. It had felt good to hear even if she couldn't completely accept his premise. Surely she should have known better, done things differently. Was it really so unrealistic to expect that of herself? She could have nipped this thing in the bud a long time ago.

Then she wouldn't have had to hear that scream. That gunshot.

But Jack had spoken with total conviction. Against it, Olivia felt her own arguments hang limp. She had learned about him too on that ship. Certainly enough to realize that if he really didn't trust her she would never have been sent out into those woods with them. The revelation hurt, because she still didn't really understand what she had done to earn his faith.

At first she had taken the awkwardness and distance during their long stay in the waiting room as further evidence that he blamed her squarely. Now, after watching his face, she realized he had been filled with regret. Allowing her that first watch over Sam had been his way to begin repairing the rift, as well as maintain her sanity.

This revelation hurt too, an uncomfortable pang of emotion as she realized Jack was treating her as one of his own.

"Olivia?" Sam said weakly. Her tone was laced with concern. Olivia started, having been too consumed with her thoughts to notice Sam had awoken.

She smiled brightly at Sam. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, ignoring the question. She gazed at Olivia intently.

"Nothing," Olivia said with a small shake of her head. "Just trying to figure out that colonel of yours."

Sam's lips curled slightly, the barest hint of a smile. "Good luck. I've been trying to do that for years."

"Reassuring," Olivia commented, joking.

The moment quickly evaporated. Sam's face lost any sign of humor and she stared up at the ceiling. Olivia took Sam's hand into her own and rested her forehead against it. After a moment Olivia placed a small kiss on her knuckles.

"I'm here," Olivia said, inviting the other woman to talk. She looked at Sam hopefully, but Sam was still gazing up. The silence went on. Olivia was the one to break it, speaking tentatively. "You really believe this is all real now?"

Daniel had told them all about his conversation with Sam, that she seemed to lean that way. And that she was holding a lot of guilt.

Sam shrugged slightly. "There's no real reason that I should... But, I do. Kind of wish it weren't, though."

Olivia was confused, not really understanding why Sam would want to still be stuck in that hell. Sam finally looked down at her, smiling wryly as she clarified. "I wish I could change things."

Olivia shook her head. "It's a nice sentiment, but you were just doing what you thought was right."

"I _wasn't_ thinking," Sam said.

"You were drugged," Olivia replied. And she remembered Sam's condition quite clearly. Hell, she'd never forget. It was no wonder she wasn't really thinking. There was no doubt in her mind that Sam simply couldn't.

Sam's eyes closed, unable to maintain eye contact as she spoke. Her voice was pitifully quiet. "I can't believe I shot him."

Olivia would have reassured her, but her throat clamped shut. The memory of that moment was simply too profound for her. She looked down at the floor as tears filled her eyes, quickly spilling forth. Olivia swiped them away with one hand, but more simply fell.

"Olivia?" Sam rolled onto her side, resting her free hand on Olivia's arm. The gesture elicited a muted sob from Olivia. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. It was hard to find her voice. She continued on, unable to censor herself. "I just... God. I heard it, and I thought... I couldn't..."

Olivia trailed off, words failing her. Sam's hand went to her face, gently lifting Olivia's chin until they were looking at each other. Sam's own eyes were filled with tears. "Olivia. I am so sorry."

It took little for Sam to beckon her. Olivia came forward, collapsing into Sam's arms. Her face buried against Sam's neck. Sobs continued for quite some time as Sam simply held her tight. They slowly died down until there was only silence.

"I didn't mean to drop that on you," Olivia said. She was supposed to be helping Sam, not the other way around. Olivia pulled away. Sam grasped her arm before she could get far.

"I hate that I put you through that."

Olivia shook her head. "Please don't blame yourself. I don't."

"I involved you in the first place," Sam replied. Apparently that was enough in her mind.

"I'm glad you did," Olivia told her. Sam frowned at her admission. "It would have been even worse to only be able to hear about this after the fact. It would kill me not to be able to help you somehow."

Sam thought about it. And she gave a soft smile. "And I can't ever thank you enough for what you did."

Olivia returned the smile. "Every time."


	41. Chapter 41

**AN: I **_**think**_** I'm going to do a Deaths Spawn sequel next. Ideas for it have been plaguing me at work, it's a miracle I've been able to get anything done. And then I realized that it's been like six days now since I've posted. Eeep.**

Sam eyed Janet, her eyes narrowing slightly. The return stare from Janet was equally resolved. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Sam gripped the side tightly. She was still weak, and tended to be asleep more often than not, but she was determined not to show how shaky she was in this position. Not that it should matter.

Sam gave a heavy sigh. "Come on, Janet. I'm not asking to run a damn marathon or anything."

"Sam, I don't know..." Janet began softly. There was deep hesitation in her tone, making Sam look down uncomfortably. She had been playing patient for several days now, and in that context she sometimes forgot that she was also friends with this woman. And so far their conversations had not stretched beyond those of doctor and patient.

It made her slow to realize that not all of Janet's hesitation came from a professional perspective. Despite her guilt, Sam didn't relent. She didn't want to have yet another of those conversations. She wanted to get out of that room.

"Janet." Sam was now begging.

The crack in Janet's stare almost made her smile, knowing that she had won. Instead she schooled the expression into something more thankful than victorious.

"For a little while," Janet said softly.

"Thank you," Sam replied.

"And, I'm going with you."

Sam could only nod at the caveat. Really, she expected no less. It was no surprise they wouldn't let her be alone, much less go somewhere alone. After all, what had she done yet to regain their trust?

While getting away from everyone and their concerned expressions and hesitant conversations sounded like a wonderful idea, Sam was willing to take what she could get.

Janet helped her into the wheelchair. The simple action was far more demanding than it should have been. Sam was loathe to admit how winded it left her, and she tried to quell the slight tremble lingering in her limbs. And Janet had noticed it all, Sam knew, when she saw the small furrow in her brow. However, the woman made no comment, and much to Sam's relief did not end the little escapade then and there.

As soon as they exited the building, the bright sun burrowed into Sam's skull. The headaches waxed and waned now, and with this new explosion of light it seemed to decide to wax again. But Sam would accept the discomfort. It wasn't just pride that drove her, but the simple need to be somewhere else. Even if it was just a couple hundred feet away, outside of the heavy concrete walls rather than within.

Janet stopped her by a nearby bench. Her brow shot up as Sam started to push herself up yet again.

"Really?" Janet said in only mild disbelief. But she merely gave a single chuckle of amusement, expecting no less, and helped Sam from the chair onto the bench. When the deed was done she sat down beside Sam, gently rubbing her back as she regained her breath. "Was that really necessary?"

"Yes," Sam said, completely serious. _That_ time, it had been all about pride.

The ensuing silence was comfortable, and Sam relished its presence. Everyone was talking to her. Gauging her. How could she blame them for that, though? She had seen enough of those looks, those pained expressions, when they thought she was still asleep. She had terrified them. When she allowed herself to think on it, she had terrified herself also. It was only reasonable, if annoying, that they wanted to assure themselves that it was all over.

And, even days later, that moment when Olivia had broken down in front of her still replayed in her head. That had terrified Sam too. It was the first time she was able to grasp the enormity of what had happened, to understand the suffering she had put everyone through - however unintentional. She hated to think that she did that to the people she trusted and cared about the most in her life. And she couldn't fathom being put in their situation.

Guilt stung at the back of her eyes, clenched her throat with unbearable tightness.

Janet's arm was draped across her back, and in response to the display she gave Sam's shoulder a soft squeeze. The gesture was too perfect, too fitting. Here she was on the verge of tears, and Janet was still silent. Because that's what Sam wanted. Knowing that the other woman was restraining herself so, solely for Sam's benefit, stole what breath Sam was still able to get. She knew that Janet craved to do something more, words or a firm hug. Janet had read her, and would do none of these things unless invited.

Sam bit her lip and let the tears fall silently. Until they started to dry up and she was no longer sure who the tears were for. The veil of silence still hung, though Sam could feel that it would soon be broken. Just sitting like she was had left Sam shaky, and she had no doubt that Janet was ready to get her back inside. She had to say her piece first though, while they were still sitting as two friends.

"I'm sorry," Sam said slowly.

Janet sighed. "Sam, you have nothing to be sorry for."

They always answered her apologies the same way. Despite that, Sam knew she'd be apologizing for some time to come. However, this time, it was not for the reason Janet thought.

"Not that," Sam said. "I'm sorry for ignoring you. I forgot that you're not just my doctor in all this."

Janet immediately defended her. "You have had a lot on your mind."

"It's no reason to have neglected you," Sam replied with a firm shake of her head. "You're one of my best friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm sick to death of all the questions everyone has been asking me and all the concerned stares, but I haven't even considered that you and I are going to have to have one of those talks at some point."

"_Those_ talks," Janet repeated dubiously. They both laughed.

"Pretty stupid of me," Sam said with a wistful smile.

"You're being way too hard on yourself," Janet said. Sam opened her mouth to counter the statement, but Janet raised her hand. "It's only been a few days now, and Lord knows what you have to sort through. But here you are worrying about everyone else."

Sam looked at her with a wide-eyed expression of confusion. Why was she saying it like it was a bad thing?

Janet sighed when it was obvious that Sam didn't understand. "This is one of those times where it wouldn't hurt you to be a little... selfish."

"Excuse me?"

"Not only is everyone tiptoeing around you, but you're turning around and doing the exact same thing right back. Especially with one person in particular. You haven't had one of _those_ talks with Colonel O'Neill yet, have you?"

She hadn't. Really, the two had talked about very little, practically none of it of substance. It was an uncomfortable atmosphere, and Sam realized that she had seen little of him when she was awake. Questions burned in her head, but Sam wasn't sure that she wanted to hear the answers.

Janet continued. "You still don't remember it, do you?"

Sam slowly shook her head. Everyone, not just Jack, skirted around that one issue. No one wanted to bring it up, to discuss it. Sam knew just enough about it to fear knowing more. All she truly remembered was Jack's scream. The rest she merely pieced together from Daniel's slip-up. She lost count of the number of dreams she had about it, though she knew none of them came close to the actual memory.

"I don't know if I can go there," Sam said. And, she recalled Jack's face for that brief moment when she had awoken. "I don't know if he can."

"Skirting the issue isn't doing either of you any good. You can't ignore it forever."

"Are you sure?" Sam said hopefully. But she already knew the answer.

Janet shook her head slightly, giving Sam a small, sad smile. And then Janet nodded to the wheelchair. "I think I've been more than kind."

"I do appreciate it," Sam replied. And at least she was tired enough now that she could put off that uncomfortable proposition a while longer.


	42. Chapter 42

**AN: So, I may have watched the **_**I Got You**_** SYTYCD routine a couple dozen times while writing these chapters. Limited edition Swiss Army knives! But yeah, that's where my head-space is at, hehe.**

Teal'c entered the room silently, careful not to disturb the sleeping occupant. Sam was turned away from him. Even so he quickly realized he had been mistaken, she was certainly not asleep. Her posture was too rigid, her breathing that of someone struggling to contain emotion. Now he hesitated, unsure if he should announce his presence or leave her to the solitude that she had but moments before.

He decided on the former. If Sam wanted him to leave she had but to ask. "Major Carter."

She started, quickly turning to him. "Oh, God, Teal'c. I didn't hear you come in."

"It was not my intention to startle you," Teal'c said with an apologetic bow of his head. "Doctor Fraiser had said that you were fatigued. I assumed you would still be sleeping."

"Yeah," Sam sighed, "me too."

Sam's head was propped on one arm, lacking the energy or desire to get up any further. Her mind had prevented her from getting the rest her body clearly needed.

"You are troubled." While it seemed an unnecessary observation, they both knew his words held another purpose entirely. This was his probe, allowing Sam to speak if that is what she wished.

"Janet and I talked a little," Sam said. And there was a pause before she continued somberly. "Unfortunately, everything she said was right."

"Doctor Fraiser is a woman of great wisdom. However, it is clear that this knowledge has brought you no comfort."

Sam rubbed her free hand across her face wearily. "No. It's... hard."

"Much well be painful, I do not doubt." Teal'c noted the frown on her face. "However, I also do not doubt our abilities to overcome."

"Do I really want to know?"

Teal'c needed no elaboration. They all knew her memory was spotty, especially those last hours. He knew she spent most of her time pondering it, even if she was less than open about the whole thing. Teal'c responded with a question of his own. "Has ignorance brought you any comfort?"

He knew the answer already, and so did she. Sam wasn't someone that liked unanswered questions. She was a scientist, among other things, and as such had dedicated her life to the pursuit of knowledge. As much as she may have dreaded it, Teal'c knew that Sam needed to know. She simply couldn't allow herself not to.

Sam's response was to look down at the floor, shaking her head slowly.

"Couldn't you just humor me for a little bit?" Sam asked with a small, humorless laugh. But her words were merely bluster.

"I could not dishonor you in such a way."

"I guess I just need to get it over with already and hope for the best."

Teal'c bowed his head. "May I be of assistance in this endeavor?"

"Please."


	43. Chapter 43

Jack staggered slightly as Teal'c gave him a final shove into the room. He quickly turned to regard the now closed door. Part of him wanted to try and pry the door open, but Jack was fairly certain that the large man still stood on the other side, preventing his escape. He wasn't quite sure what was going on, Teal'c had merely insisted that Jack follow him.

Accepting that he'd have to go along with whatever was planned, Jack turned back around to look at Sam. She returned the look, sitting on the bed, but was unable to meet his eyes. He didn't like the expression on her face, brow furrowed with deep conflict.

"Hey, Carter," Jack said, mustering an easiness in his tone that he didn't truly feel.

"Sir," she replied. He stopped all attempts at humor. Sam knew him too well to be fooled, anyway.

"How are you?"

Sam hesitated. He watched her exhale deeply before finally looking in his eyes. "Sir, we need to talk."

"Why?" It was all he could say. Why would she ever want to hear that?

"I need to know," Sam said.

"No, you don't."

"Colonel..."

He quickly cut her off. "Carter, no. What the hell is wrong with you? If you can't remember, believe me, take it as a blessing."

"It's not that simple," she said.

"Sure it is."

Sam shook her head fervently. Jack could only look on as she closed her eyes and took her head in her hands. "I can't get that sound out of my head."

"Carter?" Jack took a small step forward, concerned. "I thought you didn't remember."

"Only you calling out my name, nothing before or after."

He couldn't even truly claim memory of that moment. At that time it had been all reflex and reaction. Lunging for her was just a blur, and Jack couldn't rightly say if he had screamed or not. He only had the others words to take for that.

"Just let it be," Jack insisted.

"Let it be?" Sam gestured to his wound. "I shot you!"

He couldn't help but snap back. "Better than the alternative."

Sam fell into a stunned silence. Jack could almost be proud of himself, if it hadn't been obvious that she hadn't even considered that possibility. That he had not been her target. Just what had she thought she was trying to do? Jack had to look away from the raw pain that she exuded.

"Oh my God." Her voice was barely a whisper. He could see her swiping away tears from the corner of his eye.

Jack didn't know what to do. He had no clue what to say. Part of him wanted to just leave right then, stop this from going any further. But that would be exceedingly cruel of him, to dump this revelation on her and disappear.

He tried to soften the blow. "You didn't think it was real. You didn't really think it would kill you."

Jack didn't really believe that. He had seen her face. Whatever she did or didn't believe at the time, it was obvious what she hoped. And in those moments, she had been hoping for death. Real death.

Sam hugged her arms around her chest, frowning. "I think I wanted it to."

"Is that memory or just intuition?" Jack wasn't sure which he wanted it to be. He had questions of his own, but he didn't really want to drag her back through it.

"I don't know." She shrugged.

Finally Jack pulled over the chair, collapsing heavily into it. He wasn't sure why he spoke. "I tried to stop you, talk you down."

"Sir, I'm so sorry."

"Don't," he warned. "Sorry for what? That you missed?"

She could only stare at him, incredulous.

But now that it was all bubbling inside of him, Jack couldn't hold himself back. "Or are you sorry that you gave up on us? Is that why you apologized before?"

Jack scrubbed his face with both hands, heedless of the pain that shot through his stiff shoulder. He didn't dare to look at Sam. He knew his words hurt, and his anger was directed at the wrong person. Sam didn't deserve his blame, she was the helpless victim in all this. She had no control over what had happened to her, or how the drugs had affected her. But the true enemy in all this was light years away, and with nowhere else to direct his anger, it had simply boiled over and sprang forth.

"Ah, Sam, don't listen to me. I'm being an idiot. I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at them. This is all their fault, and it just pisses me off to no end that they don't have to pay for what they did."

Jack waited for a response, still unable to make himself look up at her. He listened to her breath hitch, and Jack had to fight back tears of his own. Man, he was getting really good at screwing up.

"I wasn't strong enough," Sam finally said, her voice pathetic.

Jack shook his head. "That's not possible." Now he looked up at her, and Sam looked back at him dumbly. Her name rolled off his lips again, feeling like the right thing to say. "Jesus, Sam. After all that those bastards did, you still ran yourself ragged trying to look out for us. Even when you had no right to be able to, you just kept moving. How much stronger do you want to be?"

"I don't know how to deal with this," she admitted.

"Me neither," Jack said, giving her a quirky half smile, "obviously."

Her lips twitched, but Sam didn't smile back. Instead she looked at him thoughtfully. "How's the shoulder?"

"Bah, it'll be good as new in no time," Jack said dismissively.

He was glad when the response seemed to give her some comfort. "Good."

"You're not going to keep kicking yourself over all this, right?"

Sam sighed. "You guys keep making that harder and harder to do."

"That's what we're here for," Jack said.

"I guess it is," Sam agreed.

"Damn straight."


	44. Chapter 44

**AN: Effing A. Two years, really? Really? Where has time gone? I sincerely apologize to all who have been waiting for a conclusion to this. And I also apologize that it's so short, more of an epilogue really. But I need to cap it off and move on to the next bit. Life has been messy, but I want to start writing again. I am going to start working on the next part of the series, but I think I'll go back to my old style of not posting until its all finished. Last I want is to leave anyone hanging again. To anyone still out there, thanks for reading, and hope you enjoyed.**

Sam smiled to herself. Though she was dripping with sweat and still a little breathless, such things couldn't dampen her mood. Cleared for active duty. After nearly a month of recovery she was no less than extatic. She was a woman of action after all.

Not that the time away hadn't been pleasant, and entirely necessary. A goodly chunk she spent with Olivia. Dates, something she had little experience with since the academy. Sight-seeing, tourist spots as well as the places New Yorkers liked to keep for themselves. Talking. Lots of talking. Hashing and Rehashing until neither of them could keep up their guilt in the presence of the other's unwavering conviction.

And, Sam thought with a cheeky smile, almost as much as there had been talk, there had also been sex.

Rifts. Between herself and the others. Within her. She had spent a majority of her time and effort into repairing those than her physical recovery. It left her to wonder how much of her fatigue came from her body, and what was simply emotional exhaustion. But it was all worth it. To keep her team. To keep her sanity.

If she were honest with herself, which she had had no choice but to do a lot over the weeks, most of it stemmed from having to forgive herself. To accept what had happened, and her lack of any real control over it. That had been the most bitter pill to swallow. Sam didn't like to feel powerless.

Remembering it had helped, because she still couldn't explain her drugged reactions to her sober self. There was no real substantive thought behind her actions, proving everyone's claims of her absolution of blame.

Sober reflection quickly checked her brief foray of humor. And, approaching her destination pushed humor further from her mind. While she had come a long way with everything, there was still one thing left to be done before she even thought about stepping foot through the gate again. Mustering her strength, she took a breath and stepped through the open door.

It wasn't often she saw Jack sitting over paperwork. Rarer still to see him so totally engrossed in it. The sight almost made her chuckle, and the brief hiccup of air caught his attention.

"Sir."

He gave a small nod. "Carter."

This rift had been the hardest to fix. And still had the widest gap. Realization into each other's mindset had been uncomfortable. He to know she hadn't a clue of what she had tried to do. And she to know just how profoundly it had affected him. It was difficult for him to reconcile her actions with her mental state.

The matter had effectively been left on the back burner. But that wouldn't do. It could affect things in the field. No, Sam ammended, it _would_.

She started light, unable to help but smile as she spoke. "Passed the physical."

"Sweet," he said automatically.

"So," she started. Took a breath as she thought. Felt keenly as the wall of discomfort slammed down on both of them. Mulled it over in her had a little more, and then decided on something else entirely. "I never gave up on any of you."

"Sam..." His use of her first name took them both off-guard momentarily.

"I didn't," she said. She remembered the raw emotion when he had thrown that at her. It remained her biggest regret. To have been the cause of such pain. Thank God they were both still alive to talk about it.

"No one thinks that, Carter." There was a brief pause before her name as he gave her an awkward smile.

Though she smiled back, Sam shook her head. "You do. On some level, you do. Sir."

"Maybe," he admitted begrudgingly, "but it's not your problem."

And here she thought people had gotten over trying to protect her. Mostly. Instead of words, she expressed her displeasure with a heavy sigh. Jack had the decency to look at least mildly chagrined.

While perhaps they both knew it practically, she still hadn't put it into words. And probably should have long ago.

"I apologized because of how much I knew how much it hurt you to be there. To go through that. When I actually could think again, I never regretted missing. Not for an instant. I only regret that it happened."

She raised a hand to keep him silent. "And I apologized in the woods because I was the one who failed. Not you. As far as I knew you were all still on that planet, maybe even going through the same thing. And I couldn't figure out how to get free."

Finally, Sam sat down. The silence floated for a time. Jack digested her words, and she waited for a response. And waited.

"You know why I didn't want to talk about it?"

"Sir?"

"When you didn't remember, I hoped you never would. Then when you knew but still didn't remember, I thought maybe that would be enough. But you remembered, and I still thought 'if we don't talk about it or otherwise acknowledge it, then maybe it won't become a big deal'. It can consume you, and I hoped to spare you that."

It had consumed her. Still did to varying degrees. Plagued her waking and sleeping thoughts. Intellectually she knew she was capable of it, anyone was in the right situation. But she had been confronted with the inescapable reality. Shown her own breaking point. Left staggered by it.

And was only just realized how Jack's own brush with the edge had affected him.

"I didn't realize, in my infinite wisdom, that I was probably just making it worse."

He was being perfectly serious, she knew, but still said it with his usual sarcastic tones. Shattering the tension like a sledgehammer. Sam couldn't help but laugh.

"And here I thought you were the serious one," Jack said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Yes, sir," Sam said to his mock indignation.

"Beer later," he said. "And pizza. But mostly beer. Good?"

It was his way of saying they'd talk later. Sam nodded. "Good."

"Hey." Sam turned at his call just before she passed through the door. "Welcome back, Carter."

"Thank you, sir."


End file.
